The Dissemination of Thought

Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's intelligent…

Posts Tagged ‘tweets

Five things I’ve learnt about Twitter: Observations of a fully-functional Twit

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I’ll admit it. I’m addicted to Twitter.

Since begrudgingly signing up six months ago with the intention of only using it for intelligent, professional purposes, my tweets have descended into random thoughts and occasional nonsensical ramblings.  Damn it. I’ve become one of them.

At any rate, let me share with you five things I’ve learnt about the 140-character marvel of social networking.


1. A hashtag can never be too long  

Let’s face it. Hashtags are cool. They are the 21st century equivalent of a one-liner and there’s no message or thought they can’t convey effectively. However, unlike the one-liner, which is renowned for being easy to comprehend, the hashtag has developed into a beast of unfathomable proportions. Apparently, it’s okay to use a 122-character hashtag that takes people 17 minutes to decipher.

Got a question about accommodation at a New York hotel? Use a #howmuchisyourdeluxesuitefortwonightsincludingbreakfast hashtag.

Planning a big night out and want your followers to know about it? Whip out #iamgoingtogethammeredtonightanditsgoingtobefreakinepic and set the tone for 13 hours of drunken tweeting from the depths of clubbing hell.

Would it be inappropriate to create a #fivethingsivelearntabouttwitterthatidliketosharewithyoutoday hashtag when I post the link to this article on Twitter?

2. Sometimes 140 characters just isn’t enough

Okay, I’m going to say this slowly. The whole purpose of Twitter is to send short, succinct messages no longer than 140 characters in length.

If you need to include any reference that your tweet is the first in a series that make up a full message you are doing it wrong.

140 characters maximum. Got it? Source: Twitter via @LyndonKeane.

3. Twitter can make you feel like one of the popular people 

One of the big attractions of Twitter is that you can follow celebrities, sporting stars and people a hell of a lot more interesting than you are.

Unfortunately, one of the downsides of Twitter is that you can follow celebrities, sporting stars and people a hell of a lot more interesting that you are, and users go nuts replying to these people in the hope that Johnny Depp will respond to their message or Lady Gaga will give them a retweet to her 25 million followers.

I know it happens because I’ve been guilty of doing it myself. Ricky Gervais didn’t retweet something I found witty and Seth MacFarlane broke my heart when he didn’t find my concept for a new animated series amusing.

I thought this was amusing. Seth MacFarlane didn’t. That bastard better not steal my idea. Source: Twitter via @LyndonKeane.

4. People will tweet about anything

People, Twitter isn’t Facebook. Tweets are meant to be – as far as I’m concerned, at least – informative or entertaining. Telling the social networking universe you are late for your bus or eating an apple is neither informative nor entertaining.

Contemplating unleashing a tweet about how blue the sky is today? Please cancel your Twitter account. Right now.

Not happy with your latte? Go and get another one instead of tweeting about it. Source:

5. Inane sentences to no one in particular are the norm

Twitter had provided a virtual worldwide audience to users. Unfortunately, a disproportionate number of the aforementioned users have decided that means they can tweet boring, obvious sentences to no one in particular.

The referees don’t agree with you. Source: Twitter via @BuzzRothfield.

If these people’s 140-character revelations were amusing it would be a different story, but they aren’t. They’re dull and generic. Actually, they kind of make me wish I’d never started using Twitter in the first place.

To the person who tweeted Did you see that? #wow: Who the hell were to talking to and what was the Twitterverse meant to notice? If you were referring to your nonsensical tweet, I saw it. We all did and are now stupider because of it.

The odds of the person who this is directed at actually reading it are $1081. Source: Twitter via @bazarazzi.

Now that I’ve enlightened you about my Twitducation and bagged the hell out of Twitter, I’m going to whore myself out to the masses and suggest you all follow me at @LyndonKeane. If you prefer the Facebook touch, The Dissemination of Thought Facebook page can be found here.

Face(book) the facts: life goes on you Twit(ter)s

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Firstly, don’t email to complain about the corny title of this post.  It was late, and I was somewhat sleep deprived when I wrote it.

According to The Australian, the social phenomenon that is Facebook went offline for several hours today, causing panic and frenzied tweeting amongst the masses.

Have we developed – and I use that term very, very loosely – as a population, to the point where we have forgotten what constitutes a social interaction?  It is just me, or does immediately posting on another social networking site about the original social networking site going down seem a somewhat perverse reaction?  The Australian reports that disgruntled (and one could assume hysterical) Facebook users bombarded Twitter with posts such as “Facebook, why aren’t you working?” and “Still exiled from Facebook, missing my friends. Universe fix this.”  My initial thoughts are these: to the former, Facebook is a what, not a who – and a what will generally not offer a response, no matter now nicely you ask.  To the latter – Wven Villegas – there are other ways to contact your friends in the absence of the Zuckerberg machine.  Like telephone.  Or email.  Or, heaven forbid, in person.  Unless Wven, you were referring to what I will assume are your 2,000-odd Facebook friends, most of whom you don’t know from a bar of soap.

NB: I did, in the interest of accurate writing, try to search on Facebook for Wven, but came up blank. Hence my assumption above in regard to friend numbers.  It’s based on nothing more than a somewhat educated guess, but if I’m proven wrong, I’ll happily donate $20 to the charity of Wven’s choosing.  And Wven, if you are reading this, add me on Facebook – then, we can so bitch to each about Mark Zuckerberg the next time Facebook fucks up.

As a matter of interest, it appears various other Facebook platforms (including the mobile website) were working the whole time, and it raises the question why all of these technologically savvy users didn’t utilise one of these platforms to access their beloved Facebook.  Why was the seemingly natural reaction to this crisis to throw the blinkers on and jump straight onto another social networking site to whinge to their friends/followers/random strangers?  Most will try to argue that the failure – albeit brief – of Facebook put them out of touch with friends.  My retort to that justification would be this: if these people you needed to contact really were friends, wouldn’t you have alternative ways to speak to them?

I will admit that when I lost my connection to the World Wide Web for a few hours earlier this year, my reaction was one of terror-stricken confusion. It’s not something I am proud of, but when I realised that the outage wasn’t the beginning of some form of Armageddon, I did something the aforementioned Tweeters obviously didn’t consider: I went out and had dinner with a friend.  That’s right.  A proper, face-to-face meal.  With a real person.  Outside.

On the subject of Twitter, why do so many average (I won’t use the word normal, it doesn’t seem quite right in this context) people have a Twitter account?  Do they really think the world gives a fuck about whether they should have jam or Vegemite on their toast, or that they can’t find their keys?  The world doesn’t need to know what you are doing every moment of every day.  Why?  Because, whether you want to believe it or not, chances are you’re probably as boring as shit.

OK, now this post is complete, I’m going to put the link on Facebook.  Yes, I know that’s ironic, but I don’t care.  I’m full of irony – it’s part of my charm.

Have a fantastic New Years Eve people – be safe, run amok and remember, never give them your real name.  See you in 2011.

Written by disseminatedthought

December 30, 2010 at 23:09