The Dissemination of Thought

Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's intelligent…

Posts Tagged ‘music

To be, or NKOTB

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Welcome to the third week of The Dissemination (of Thought) Files. In this week’s instalment, we probe – in a journalistic, non-alien and lubricant way – OzSpinCycle*, the apparently lopsidedly-minded author of Impassioned Rantings of an Unbalanced Mind.

* Author’s note: this probably isn’t his real name.

Admit it.  You’re asking yourself why the blog’s called what it is.  As OzSpinCycle puts it:

The name of the blog comes from the fact that from time to time it feels like my head becomes a little unbalanced.  Not the go out and set fire to a small fury animal type of unbalanced but more the all the clothes have moved to one side of the washing machine causing it to stop during the spin cycle kind of unbalance.  I see the blog as a way to rebalance things by shuffling the clothes around, removing those extra couple of pairs of jeans you thought you try and fit in…

During the interview, we toss around a few account and lawyer jokes, discuss time travel, and try to understand his wife’s disturbing fascination obsession with New Kids on the Block.

My in-depth research leads me to believe today's interviewee may look something like one of these. Source: raisingbipolar.com

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Lyndon Keane (TDoT): Do you mind if I tape this interview? I’m drunk and reasonably confident that I won’t pay much attention, so if I don’t record it, I’ll have to make your answers up.

This is what it normally takes to get through a The Dissemination (of Thought) Files interview. Source: upgradetravelbetter.com

OzSpinCycle (OSC): Go ahead.  I’m not sure that I know how to have a conversation with you sober anyway. Somehow, there always seems to be some form of alcoholic beverage involved when we’re chatting.  Not that I’m complaining, mind you.

TDoT: In describing yourself as “quick-witted” in ”Alpha Bravo Charlie”, you make reference to your propensity for “short, stupid jokes”. What’s the most pitifully amusing one in your repertoire? Has anyone ever regaled you with a particularly clever accountant joke?

OSC: I really have a penchant for multipart, short stupid jokes, which is probably even worse.  I think my favourite is this:

Q: Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

A: He was hit by a refrigerator.

Q: Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? 

A: He was hit by the first koala.

Q: Why did the kangaroo die? 

A: Two koalas and a refrigerator fell on him.

Q: What is the moral of this story?

A: Kangaroos shouldn’t throw refrigerators at koalas.

TDoT: So, are you saying male koalas can’t dodge airborne refrigerators?  Are whitegood-tossing marsupials common in the bush?

OSC: I haven’t heard many accountant jokes.  There’s always the reliable “What did the constipated accountant do?  Worked it out with a pencil.”

Lawyer jokes – the other half of my degree – were always better.  My favourite is “Why did the scientist start using lawyers instead of lab rats?  No one cares about lawyers.  There are plenty of lawyers, and there are some things even a lab rat won’t do.

TDoT: Your wife’s a New Kids on the Block fan? Are you sure she didn’t just mean she was fond of the new munchkins living down the street? Is there a chance she was living in the garden shed for the two weeks she was purportedly stalking them around the USA?

You wish you had that bandanna. Source: ticketroyale.blogspot.com.au

OSC: Not unless she fiendishly gave her credit card to someone else and told them to go nuts in the USA.  If I find out someone other than her was spending that money, there’s going to be trouble.

TDoT: New Kids on the Block? Really? You do realise they’re touring Australia this year, don’t you? What are the odds of us seeing an Impassioned Rantings of an Unbalanced Mind remix of “Hangin’ Tough” on YouTube?

OSC: Yes, really!  I don’t understand the fascination either, but as I understand it, that is primarily because I am male and straight.  I think the odds of us both appearing together completely sober for more than five minutes are better than the odds of me belting out “Hangin’ Tough”.  Although at 2:00am, with a skinful of alcohol and pancakes, many things seem like a better idea than they actually are.

TDoT: In your most recent piece, you walked us through the first ten songs that played when you shuffled the music on your iPod. What do you think of the music industry in 2012?

OSC: I think some good music gets made, but there is a lot of shit as well.  I have resigned myself to the fact that I am no longer part of the biggest music buying demographic.  Therefore, most of the stuff released is not targeted at me.  Fortunately, there are still enough quality artists sneaking through to keep me going.

TDoT: I’m going to put you on the spot. If you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?

OSC: Tough question.  I really do have a hard time with this sort of thing, because I always forget so many albums, movies and the like, and then think later “Shit, that’s right, I really like XYZ.”  Out of the albums I have on my iPod, I would have to go with either Missy Higgins’ On a Clear Night or Something to Be from Rob Thomas.  I’d probably flip a coin between the two.  My reasoning is that both albums have a good mix of song types, and that would help keep it interesting.

TDoT: What’s the most ridiculous thing you have ever seen someone do on a dare or under the deviously guiding hand of sweet alcohol?

OSC: We were always pretty boring on that front.  I’ve seen a nudie run and people drink some awful looking mixes of drinks.  Did you know that Baileys, Scotch and Coke curdles?

Alcohol-fuelled nudie runs: always a good idea until your ass is showing. Source: spiegel.de

TDoT: Your post ”The Darkness Within” has you pondering some pretty obscure subject matter. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to walk around with a rusty chainsaw à la Leatherface? Sans hillbilly-esque inbreeding, of course. Is it possible Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers were simply misunderstood?

OSC: Well, I did grow up in the Australian equivalent of hillbilly country.  As I said in the post, it has always just been curiosity that never extended to any thought of actual harm.  So, no, that sort of thought has never really crossed my mind.  The thought of doing harm to others directly or, more likely, indirectly – like stepping in front of a bus they drive – is a huge reason why I would never actually do any of those things.  Plus, that shit will kill you.

TDoT: While we’re hypothesising and getting all deep and philosophical, exactly how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

OSC: A woodchuck would chuck how much wood a woodchuck could chuck, if only he could be fucked chucking wood.

TDoT: Your love of all things scientific and “geeky” is blatantly obvious. Is it just me, or is a DeLorean a poor vehicular choice for a time machine? If you could have ridden shotgun with Doc Brown to one place in either the future or past, where would it be? And no, you can’t choose the moment before you agreed to do this interview.

"Are you telling me that this sucker is nuclear?" Source: tgdaily.com

OSC: Yes, the DeLorean is probably a poor choice; it draws a bit too much attention to itself.  Perhaps Doc Brown picked it for its fibreglass and stainless steel construction.  Perhaps he just liked the gullwing doors.  Interesting legal fact: John DeLorean was arrested on drug trafficking charges, allegedly trying to make money to keep his motor company afloat, but was acquitted due to it being a case of entrapment.

TDoT: Maybe he couldn’t get to eighty-eight miles per hour during his getaway.

OSC: As for a moment in time, it would have to be the past, because according to relativity, it isn’t possible to travel forward in time.  That said, by the time we’ve worked out how to travel in time, we will have probably found a way to tell relativity to bugger off and mind its own business.

I think the geek in me would love to head back to the late fifties so I could be part of the space race that led up to man walking on the moon in 1969.  For someone with a love of all things space, this would be a dream come true.  Either that, or jumping forward to be part of the team that puts the first people on a planet other than Earth.

"Yes, your hotel room has a lovely view of the Earth." Source: geography4kids.com

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Next week, The Dissemination (of Thought) Files will undoubtedly ask someone some questions about something. Yes, I’m really that disorganised, I have no idea who I’ll be interrogating 7 days from now.  As always, if you want to subject yourself to my probing participate in the quirky Q&A that is The Dissemination (of Thought) Files, send me an email with random and amusing facts about yourself.

If you’re not a Twit/Twat, check out The Dissemination of Thought Facebook page.

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4 more (painful) trends in Facebook friends

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My balcony is a great place to ponder the universe, especially when the thought process is aided by a Cohiba Robusto and a fantastic Scotch. If nothing else, smoking a $50 cigar and sipping 21-year-old single malt while trying to determine whether Turkish bread, tomatoes and Vegemite constitute a meal provides a unique perspective about how bipolar and ridiculous life can be at times.

This is the point at which the pondering stopped...

As I sat there, watching the river and thumbing aimlessly through pointless and predictably boring Facebook status updates on my BlackBerry, it occurred to me that it may be time to examine a few types of Facebook friends that weren’t covered in my original diatribe. Yes, it’s ground we have previously walked across, but people need to be able to identify these individuals to ensure their own safety, as well as that of their loved ones. Think of this as an angry, nonsensical public service announcement.

1. The Whinger

As the name suggests, this Facebook friend finds a problem with everything, and usually isn’t sure how they can go on living. If they aren’t sad about being alone, they’ll be complaining about their job or vociferating about how pitiful their life is.

While monitoring this friend’s status updates will push you to the brink of insanity, it will also make you feel pretty damned good about your own state of affairs. My advice? Unfriend them, unless of course they are related to you, in which case you are fucked.

About to read a status update from The Whinger? You're going to need these. Source: mdsdrugdetox.com

2. The Update About Everything-er

Everyone has at least one of these amongst their legion of Facebook friends. They see no problem with updating their status 117 times in the space of 24 hours, in order to keep you up to speed with what they’re doing at every moment of the day. There will be the update that they are having slightly burnt toast for breakfast, followed 30 minutes later by a notification that they have had a successful bowel movement to start the day. They will provide at least two updates on their way to work, one of which will focus on the odd, smelly gentlemen sitting across from them on the bus. Upon arriving at the office, they will regale the world with tales of their first caffeine hit of the day.

Don’t laugh, The Update About Everything-er is probably posting this right now. Source: thecowshow.com

If you are incredibly unlucky, one of your Facebook friends may evolve into a mix of The Whinger and The Update About Everything-er, a mythical hybrid of evil, the only escape from which involves enlisting in the French Foreign Legion.

3. The Lover

There is nothing romantic about this Facebook friend: they love everything, and they’re not afraid to scream it from the rooftops of social networking. They love ice cream. They love sunshine. Confusingly, they also “heart” rainy days. They are wildly enamoured with documentary they just watched, and they want the world to know it.

Unfortunately, The Lover has a penchant for referring to themselves in the third person, and they can easily be identified by consecutive status updates that say: “[insert name] loves [insert random loveable thing]”. Scientists are not sure why this creature feels compelled to use third-person narrative, but they all agree that it’s as annoying as hell.

4. The Jukebox

This friend makes it their duty to tell everyone what they should be listening to by uploading the YouTube links to 38 songs each day. There’s always a theme, depending on their mood; sometimes you will be subjected to Foo Fighters Friday, while Saturday mornings will undoubtedly see them offering you a selection of their favourite drinking songs from 1987-1995. In the event of them parting ways with their significant other, prepare yourself for a Bonnie Tyler, Mariah Carey and country music onslaught.

Source: wp7connect.com

Author’s note: remember The Dissemination of thought Facebook page. It’s lonely there without you.

All I want for Christmas is Muse

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An odd (and bored) look at the first “inspiration” for this piece. © Lyndon Keane 2011. Original photograph edited with Photo Editor Ultimate.

There wasn’t meant to be a The Dissemination of Thought post tonight. I was planning on relaxing with a DVD and ice cream while I bid on shit I really don’t need on eBay. Like most good plans, mine came unstuck somewhere along the line, specifically at the point where I substituted the mint chocolate chip for three glasses of red wine and a few Scotches.

Inspiration No. 2: Lagavulin 16-year-old. © Lyndon Keane 2011. Original photograph edited with Photo Editor Ultimate.

Between witnessing a myriad of morons – which from this point on will officially replace the twelve drummers drumming – throwing credit cards around in a last-minute buying frenzy and contemplating Thalia’s eventual return, I postulated about what I’d request for Christmas if there was actually an omnipotent figure with a penchant for red suits in charge of dishing out presents. A Ferrari? My weight in cash? A perpetual supply of socks and jocks? No, there’s only one thing that makes any sense to ask this festive season genie for: my Muse.

When you look past the ridiculous materialistic and commercial elements, this time of year is all about family and friends. Thalia’s a mix of both. She embarrasses me, but she makes me proud. I care deeply for her, but her jokes suck. She’s selfish, but I’ve got dibs on her liver. I’ve given up trying to work out where she is and when she’ll turn up next, but I know that if I really need her, she’ll be there. If it’s after 8:45am she’ll have a buzz on, and I’m convinced that she is stealing my CDs one by one, but my Muse will be there, inspiring me and offering answers as to why I’ve woken up in the shower with the water still running, holding an empty bottle of single malt and using a soggy copy of Rolling Stone as a makeshift pillow.

 

So if I only get one gift this year, I’d like Thalia back: tanned, sober(ish) and ready to get her lazy, hightailing ass back to work.

Author’s note to the jolly fat man: Santa, if you’re reading this, a left-handed Kurt Cobain Jaguar would make a fantastic stocking stuffer. I know I don’t play yet, but having that axe would certainly help to inspire me to guitar greatness. Or not. It’s your call.

All I want for Christmas is...well, this wouldn’t hurt either. Source: fender.com

Written by disseminatedthought

December 19, 2011 at 22:02

The Who, horses and hash: blogging from the BlackBerry

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Source: thewho.com

Source: thewho.com

I’m undecided about the WordPress for BlackBerry application thus far. It seems to have reasonably limited functionality, but one of the positives is that I can post a The Dissemination of Thought piece from my bed while I watch Grosse Pointe Blank and drink vodka. I’m going through a bit of a John Cusack phase at the moment. While this technological advancement means that I can take my laziness to a whole new level, it also means that TDoT readers are going to have to suffer through a post that lacks research and any real point. The topic for this afternoon? 3 random facts about my Friday. See, I told you I was lazy.

1. I bought a The Who album

On vinyl. Records have a certain nostalgic romance that just can’t be matched by CDs. Vinyl allows for genuine album cover art, which is what drew me to Face Dances, the ninth album for Pete, Roger and the boys. I’m somewhat smitten with the bright, eye-catching portraiture, and at $15, it seemed like a bargain. I’m somewhat indifferent to their music, which is probably a good thing considering that at this present point in time, I don’t own a record player. Never let it be said that I’m not a complex, incredibly unique individual.

2. I haven’t missed my calling as a high-stakes gambler

I bet on a horse.  It ran third.  I won a whole $3.60. James Packer, watch your back: there’s a new whale in town.

Author’s note: I think the result proves that my system of picking a horse based on the amusement/innuendo value of its name is neither scientific nor profitable.

3. One of my neighbours apparently has glaucoma

It’s either a new neighbour or a new ailment that someone has succumbed to, because the air around our apartment building didn’t start smelling like Woodstock until this week. Judging by the amount of pot they seem to be utilising, that poor fucker’s eyes must be really bad. Seriously, I could sit on my balcony with a bag of Twisties and some Oreos and wait for them to crank up Hendrix. Good times.

Pot plants.  Pun intended.  Source: freedomcurrent.com

Pot plants. Pun intended. Source: freedomcurrent.com

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry on my BlackBerry Bold 9700

Come as You Are, even if you can’t remember where the last 20 years have gone…

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5:37am on a Saturday isn’t a good time to be asking questions that you want lucid answers to. I couldn’t come up with a plausible defence for my pre-dawn awakening, nor could I explain why one of my shoes had taken up residence on the top of my sofa. My biggest blank (no, not that sort of blank) of the morning came while trying to determine where the last twenty years had gone.

How the hell did that get up there?

Next Saturday marks two decades since the release of Nirvana’s Nevermind, and the realisation that well over seven thousand days have passed me by since I first heard the riff in the intro to Smells Like Teen Spirit raised a pertinent question: what the hell have I been doing since 1991?

While I’d love to account for the apparent gaps in time with some sort of Rip Van Winkle-like slumber or magical wardrobe, I can’t: I don’t have a mysterious, unkempt beard, and to the best of my recollection, I’ve never seen faun carrying an umbrella. In keeping with Occam’s razor, the best explanation that I can come up with is that life continues to go on around us, whether you want it to or not, and irrespective of any attention you pay to it.

Kurt Cobain had his faults, just like any of us, but he never tried to argue that he didn’t, nor did he pretend to be something that he wasn’t. He didn’t give a fuck what other people thought about him, and made music because he was passionate about it, not because of its potential commercial benefit. I think he understood that life is, in its purest form, a game against the hands of time, and needs to be experienced, rather than watched from the grandstand. The epilogue to his story was tragic, but while he was with us, he lived and observed life, and drew on its influences – both good and bad – to create art that has lived on, while so much of the world has changed around it.

Source: artisnotdead.blogspot.com

Written by disseminatedthought

September 17, 2011 at 09:06

My Top 10 albums of all time. Well, of today anyhow…

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I never realised how hard it would be to come up with a Top 10. Ten albums that satisfactorily represent my somewhat eclectic tastes in music. I’ve had the opportunity to listen to some amazing artists over the years, but in hindsight, I’ve also subjected myself to tunes that were best classified as aural torture. Growing up in a small rural town, my formative years were essentially a mix of country and Aussie pub rock, with intermittent doses of grunge. As many who went through their teenage years in the 90s did, I discovered myself in the latter, while the former is best not spoken about – if I ever hear “Boys From The Bush” again, it will be too soon.

Before unleashing my Top 10, I need to advise of the following caveats:

1. The albums below are not in any specific order. While they are numbered 1 to 10, the allocations of the aforementioned digits are not representative of how highly I rate the albums. It was more a case of writing the numbers on a sheet of paper, and scribbling down contenders as they came to me. I guess that one could argue that the album that popped into my head first would, by definition, be my all-time favourite: if that’s the case, it’s Nevermind.

2. I change my mind a lot, so by the time you read this, the list may have changed.

3. This list is the Top 10 albums that I’d play from start to finish, without skipping forward. While a lot of the individual tracks on the albums below would never make my Top 100 songs, the albums themselves have a the ability to be played in their entirety, without me becoming bored of what I’m listening to. For those that know me, something that can hold my attention for more than an hour without interruption is pretty special.

1. Nevermind – Nirvana

Even as we approach the twentieth anniversary of its release as single, I still can’t listen to “Smells Like Teen Spirit” without banging my head furiously and singing along. Who said that we had to grow up? With tracks like “Lithium”, “Lounge Act” and “Territorial Pissings”, for me at least, it will be hard to ever top. Kurt Cobain remains one of the five people, living or dead, that I’d invite to a hypothetical dinner party.

Source: rollingstone.com

2. Ten – Pearl Jam

From memory, there was a period in the very early 90s where the only music I listened to was this album, in rotation with Nevermind.

Clearly I remember
Pickin’ on the boy
Seemed a harmless little fuck

3. (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? – Oasis

When Liam and Noel Gallagher weren’t beating the crap out of each other, they really did make great music. Unfortunately, the boys from Manchester were rock ‘n’ roll excess personified, and they were never going to be able to play nicely with each other for long.

4. Throwing Copper – Live

I’ve been a huge fan since I first bought the album, yet I still have no idea how to correctly pronounce Ed’s last name. My vote for best track? “Waitress”.

5. Jagged Little Pill – Alanis Morissette

This was the first album that I ever purchased. On cassette. For a brief period, I was infatuated with Alanis. Like many, I pondered whether or not he thought about her when he fucked her. For those that think what I’ve just written is nothing more than a nonsensical gathering of pronouns, check out track two, and everything will suddenly make sense.

Source: rollingstone.com

6. Ten New Songs – Leonard Cohen

I didn’t have any real exposure to LC until a few months before I went to see him in concert last year, but seeing him live changed my musical outlook altogether. I rate the show as probably the best live act I’ve ever experienced – bar a small intermission, the 76-year-old poet was on stage for over three hours, and had the audience engaged for the entire time. He is incredibly passionate about his music, yet the most humble performer you’re likely to encounter. Unlike many current artists, he doesn’t rely on special effects to wow his fans – he does it with pure talent, and an obvious love of making music.

7. The Boatman’s Call – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Nick Cave is probably the quintessential songwriter: how many other artists would tell the powers that be at MTV to stick their accolades where the sun doesn’t shine?

8. Americana – The Offspring

For me, this album was the late 90s. For many of us from small towns, it felt like the boys were speaking to directly to us in “The Kids Aren’t Alright”. Although the kid on the cover artwork looks like a prepubescent Gerber Baby, it’s one hell of an album.

When we were young the future was so bright
The old neighbourhood was so alive
And every kid on the whole damn street
Was gonna make it big in every beat

9. Grace – Jeff Buckley

Every time I close my eyes and listen to this album, I’m immediately transported to a smoky cigar lounge, with a 30-year-old single malt in my hand.

Source: rollingstone.com

10. The Doors – The Doors

Jim Morrison belting out “Light My Fire” – no more needs to be said.

Source: rollingstone.com

Because it was so hard to come up with a final ten, I’ve decided that I’m going to allow myself an eleventh album or super substitute if you will. Why? Well most importantly, it’s my list, so I can do whatever the hell I want with it. Additionally, every team worth its salt has a standby, in case of accidental CD breakage.

Super-sub: The Marshall Mathers LP – Eminem

Source: rollingstone.com

Before this album came out, the only thing I knew about Eminem was that he sang “My Name Is”. He also struck me as an angry little son of a bitch. While his lyrics are undoubtedly crude and designed to offend people’s sensibilities, they are incredibly well thought out, and send a strong message about life and the harsh reality of personal experience. He’s a lot smarter than people give him credit for, and he doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him. Purists will probably crucify me for saying this, but I put his command of lyrics up there with Leonard Cohen. That’s right: Marshall Bruce Mathers III is rap’s equivalent of the Canadian master.

So there are my Top 10 albums – let’s hear yours.

Written by disseminatedthought

August 24, 2011 at 18:29