The Dissemination of Thought

Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's intelligent…

Posts Tagged ‘Internet

Elmo and blow, dicks like bats and realebrity tats: 11 more terms to make you squirm

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We’ve looked at the strange shit people have searched for to eventually end up in my little piece of the blogosphere before. Twice, actually. But due to a somewhat melancholic nonchalance that has enveloped me, I find myself severely lacking the motivation or inclination to create something deep, insightful and controversial. I could come up with a dirty limerick about a man named Jock, but I’d rather attempt to get inside the heads of the individuals who have provided me with my latest batch of amusing – and stupefying – search terms. As they say, the third time’s a charm.

For those new readers to The Dissemination of Thought, the previous dalliances into weird and wonderful search phrases can be found below:

”Man-whores, smut and Jabba the Hutt”

”Cartoons without clothes and Sesame Street blow”

peter griffin likes cocaine nipples

Of course he does, who wouldn’t?

The Dissemination of Thought: it’s all about breast and blow references. Source: tbs.com

I’m considering renaming this blog The Dissemination of Dodgy Peter Griffin Search Terms, based purely on the overwhelming number of hits I get with obscure references to the testicle-chinned one. I’m not kidding. In the past few months, I’ve had “peter griffin peeing”, “peter griffin pretty eyes” and “peter griffin in [insert outfit of your choice: army outfit and Donald Duck costume seem to be popular]” as the standouts amongst a plethora of Family Guy-themed search terms.

You watch: “peter griffin jumper leads on nipples” will be a search term next month. Source: squidoo.com

what is the mayans the end of internet

The word on the street suggests that some bad shit is going to go down on 21 December this year, but this shouldn’t have any impact on your internet plan, unless of course, our new zombie overlords decide to limit your monthly allocation down to 3 GB.

Download speeds got a lot a better on 22 December. Source: forums.hak5.org

The internet will not cease to exist if the Mayans were right: zombies need Wikipedia and online porn just like the rest of us.

prehistoric animals during the time of the mayas

My guess would be that there were very, very few, but I’m assuming you need to expand that answer out to about 1,500 words. If you need definitive clarification, you should probably ask Kristen over at Intelligent Life – she’s fantastic at sharing serious stuff about science, history and the universe in a witty light.

If you’re still too fucking lazy to do your own research, just say that a Mayan temple was used as the visitor centre in Jurassic Park, and then make a vague reference to a Tyrannosaurus. Hell, say it was in Jurassic Park III: no one saw that anyway.

the cat in the hat sad

The Cat in the Hat wasn’t sad. How could it be with such an awesome headpiece? Depressed moggies don’t make for amusing book subjects; who wants to read about The Feline in the Fedora with the Fluoxetine?

Source: halloweencostumes.org

penis 40 cm fuck

I suddenly feel astonishingly inadequate.

You know you’re well –endowed when your dick has its own chair. Source: iansblogoflife.blogspot.com

is dissemination of thought funny?

Absolutely. Go forth and spread the word. Oh, and when you say funny, make sure people realise you mean funny “haha” and not funny “peculiar”.

tattoo pauly d jersey shore

Is there a chance this vexing search phrase came to be as a result of someone doing a research project on the ink and body art of people who have contributed to making 21st century society a dumber place to be?

In the event that some incredibly perturbed individual actually wants to adorn themselves with a permanent tribute to this realebrity*, I offer this advice: tattoos last forever. So does stupid.

* Author’s note: I coined the term “realebrity” as an alternative to referring to reality TV stars as celebrities.

realebrity /riˈælɛbrɪti/

noun

1. a person devoid of any discernible talent, ability or personality, who attempts to overcome this by appearing on a reality television program with a ridiculous tan.
2. Paul DelVecchio, or any other cast member of Jersey Shore.
3. Anyone with the surname Kardashian.

Am I the only one who’s disturbed? Source: thegloss.com

colour

Out of curiosity, I typed “colour” into Google and let it do its thing. It returned about 846,000,000 results. Yep, eight hundred and forty-six million. Using that incredibly vague search term, just how long did it take you to come across The Dissemination of Thought? Did you start your search in 1998?

nazi dinos

What the fuck? Velociraptors loyal to Hitler?

A pissed off reptile with a canon: the perfect gift for the sociopathic dictator who has it all. Source: kotaku.com.au

reality television fucked society

Yes. Yes it did. I couldn’t have said it more succinctly myself.

elmo smoker

When I first saw this search term, I was mystified. Surely Elmo isn’t a smoker. Not only is he inanimate, he’s comprised mainly of fur and felt, so voluntarily exposing himself to naked flames via a nicotine addiction doesn’t seem like an overly sagacious decision. That said, given that puppets don’t have lungs, his odds of succumbing to emphysema or lung cancer are pretty remote.

Based on the photographic evidence below, a Light Me Up Elmo toy may already be in the final stages of production.

“Elmo likes menthols!” Source: homelessmanspeaks.com

With the sheer number of ridiculous new phrases that appear each week for me to mull over, I’m confident that this will not be the last search term-themed post on The Dissemination of Thought. Besides, the eccentric folks searching for cartoon characters urinating, prodigious penises and chain-smoking Sesame Street puppets like it when we talk about them.

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It’s getting dark in here: The Dissemination of Thought and the SOPA/PIPA blackout

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The Dissemination of Thought will be participating in a blackout on 18 January to protest against the Stop Online Piracy Act (H.R.3261) and the Protect IP Act (S.968).

From 12:00am until 11:59pm tomorrow, this blog will be blacked out with the “Stop SOPA” message displayed. Lamentably, readers won’t be able to access any TDoT content during this period.

To check out what all the SOPA/PIPA kerfuffle (that’s right, I said kerfuffle) is about, click here.

As always, I appreciate your feedback, positive or negative, so please feel free to comment below. If you’d rather send me a vehement, expletive-filled email, clicking on this bit here will allow you to do so.

See you all again on 19 January.

Author’s note: thank you to Neil Fein at Magnificent Nose for providing a step-by-step guide to setting your blog up for the blackout. Check out Neil’s piece here.

TDoT is going to look something like this on 18 January.

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Face(book) the facts: life goes on you Twit(ter)s

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Firstly, don’t email to complain about the corny title of this post.  It was late, and I was somewhat sleep deprived when I wrote it.

According to The Australian, the social phenomenon that is Facebook went offline for several hours today, causing panic and frenzied tweeting amongst the masses.

Have we developed – and I use that term very, very loosely – as a population, to the point where we have forgotten what constitutes a social interaction?  It is just me, or does immediately posting on another social networking site about the original social networking site going down seem a somewhat perverse reaction?  The Australian reports that disgruntled (and one could assume hysterical) Facebook users bombarded Twitter with posts such as “Facebook, why aren’t you working?” and “Still exiled from Facebook, missing my friends. Universe fix this.”  My initial thoughts are these: to the former, Facebook is a what, not a who – and a what will generally not offer a response, no matter now nicely you ask.  To the latter – Wven Villegas – there are other ways to contact your friends in the absence of the Zuckerberg machine.  Like telephone.  Or email.  Or, heaven forbid, in person.  Unless Wven, you were referring to what I will assume are your 2,000-odd Facebook friends, most of whom you don’t know from a bar of soap.

NB: I did, in the interest of accurate writing, try to search on Facebook for Wven, but came up blank. Hence my assumption above in regard to friend numbers.  It’s based on nothing more than a somewhat educated guess, but if I’m proven wrong, I’ll happily donate $20 to the charity of Wven’s choosing.  And Wven, if you are reading this, add me on Facebook – then, we can so bitch to each about Mark Zuckerberg the next time Facebook fucks up.

As a matter of interest, it appears various other Facebook platforms (including the mobile website) were working the whole time, and it raises the question why all of these technologically savvy users didn’t utilise one of these platforms to access their beloved Facebook.  Why was the seemingly natural reaction to this crisis to throw the blinkers on and jump straight onto another social networking site to whinge to their friends/followers/random strangers?  Most will try to argue that the failure – albeit brief – of Facebook put them out of touch with friends.  My retort to that justification would be this: if these people you needed to contact really were friends, wouldn’t you have alternative ways to speak to them?

I will admit that when I lost my connection to the World Wide Web for a few hours earlier this year, my reaction was one of terror-stricken confusion. It’s not something I am proud of, but when I realised that the outage wasn’t the beginning of some form of Armageddon, I did something the aforementioned Tweeters obviously didn’t consider: I went out and had dinner with a friend.  That’s right.  A proper, face-to-face meal.  With a real person.  Outside.

On the subject of Twitter, why do so many average (I won’t use the word normal, it doesn’t seem quite right in this context) people have a Twitter account?  Do they really think the world gives a fuck about whether they should have jam or Vegemite on their toast, or that they can’t find their keys?  The world doesn’t need to know what you are doing every moment of every day.  Why?  Because, whether you want to believe it or not, chances are you’re probably as boring as shit.

OK, now this post is complete, I’m going to put the link on Facebook.  Yes, I know that’s ironic, but I don’t care.  I’m full of irony – it’s part of my charm.

Have a fantastic New Years Eve people – be safe, run amok and remember, never give them your real name.  See you in 2011.

Written by disseminatedthought

December 30, 2010 at 23:09