The Dissemination of Thought

Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's intelligent…

Posts Tagged ‘Charlie Sheen

I tweet, therefore I am…as boring as hell: lobotomising the world, one update at a time

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Even as I write this, I’m accosted by another ridiculously pointless, whiny status update from one of my Facebook friends. Fuck me. “[Name removed to protect their stupidity] is tired after a long day.” Really? Thanks for sharing that nugget of genius, but I’m now dumber for knowing you.

Does this really warrant a status update? Source: toast.anu.edu.au

Why does everyone, especially since social networking became idiot-proof, assume that the world wants to know what they’re doing 24 hours a day? Just because you can, doesn’t necessarily mean that you should.

Source: blog.virginaustralia.com

I’ve written another article on Magnificent Nose entitled “Facebook and Twitter don’t care that you’re boring, but your status updates have the rest of us snoring: a Tahitian lime epiphany”, that examines the phenomenon of individuals who feel compelled to share every boring, mind-numbing detail about their feelings and dietary habits with the social networking universe.

Partly because of the instant audience that social networking platforms provide, we have become a society that is under the delusion that the world deserves–and apparently, wants–to know every detail about our lives. People seem to think that they are more exciting than they actually are, and the result is that they are sharing every boring, painfully nauseating facet of their monochromatically dull lives.

Here’s the sad reality: You are boring.

I came in pretty late on the whole Facebook tidal wave, somewhere around 2009, but at that stage people only posted interesting stuff. A quote. A song. Something amusing that had happened to them during the day. Jump forward 3 years, and with the advent of Twitter and the myriad of other social media platforms, every man and their dog (literally: pets have Facebook profiles now) thinks that they have a licence to post drivel. Boring drivel. Don’t believe me? It’s reached a point where we can categorise the inane rants into four specific types.

You know how it works. I tease you a little bit here, don’t give you my real phone number, and then force you to jump across to Magnificent Nose to read the full piece and achieve blogging fulfilment. Don’t pretend you didn’t know I was an asshole before you began following me.

“Whingy McBoring is angry at the weather.” Didn’t you get the memo? Clouds don’t have Wi-Fi. Source: lonelyplanet.com

If you missed the obvious link above, you can continue reading “Facebook and Twitter don’t care that you’re boring, but your status updates have the rest of us snoring: a Tahitian lime epiphany” here. Enjoy.

Author’s note: remember to check out (and like) The Dissemination of Thought Facebook page. Come on, the more the merrier. I guarantee there won’t be any updates about me boiling an egg, nor will there be any vehement rants aimed at microwaves, toothbrushes or any other inanimate objects.

Source: t3.com.au

Small things and small minds: 3 things that amuse me

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It’s Friday night, and as I sit here watching ice cubes melt into the remaining traces of my first Scotch, I find myself in a reflective yet jocose mood. So, instead of vociferating about something that’s pissed me off with society today, I’ve decided to make a list of 3 things that amuse me. I know that 10 seems to be the magical number as far as lists go, but in addition to being reflective, I’m also feeling very lackadaisical. So you get 3. I’d love to hear what amuses you guys too, so get your thinking caps on.

Without further ado, in no particular order, are 3 things that regale me:

1. Some of the one liners written into the scripts for Two and a Half Men. I know that Charlie Sheen and the show itself may not exactly be the flavour of the month, but some of the shit that the scriptwriters push out – no pun intended – cracks me up, including:

a) “You have two black eyes, and you’re perched on a scrotum cosy.”

b) ‎”Look at every New Year’s resolution I’ve ever made. I’ve got the best of intentions, but by January third or fourth, there I am broke, hung over, and coughing up stripper glitter.”

c) “Michelle, on the list of things I expect to kill me, mercury poisoning ranks well below liver failure, struck by lightning and heart attack during sex. Guess which one I’m rooting for?”

d) “You know what the problem is? The women, the drinking…you look at me and think it’s easy. What you don’t see is the years of dedication that have made me the boozing ass wrangler I am today.”

Actually, that’s probably not a bad idea for a list in its own right: “Favourite quotes from sitcoms I shouldn’t watch, but do”. Keep an eye on this space…

2. Finding advertising and business signage that isn’t meant to be humorous, but for whatever reason, are very much so. May I present Exhibit A below.

Here's an important tip: when creating signage for your business, ensure that ALL the letters on the sign are visible...

3. Watching someone try very hard to impress a potential romantic liaison, usually under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol. In my personal experience, it’s usually a drunken guy trying to chat up a girl who is about two weight divisions above his class. More often than not, he is egged on by his equally drunk, undoubtedly bored mates. At times, it’s pitifully corny and horrid, but this social interaction is also as funny as fuck to observe. It’s akin to a traffic accident: I know I shouldn’t be watching, but I can’t take my eyes off the carnage.

Now, as I stare at the bottom of an empty Scotch glass, I turn the floor over to you, and your lists of amusement.

Written by disseminatedthought

August 19, 2011 at 20:48