The quest for Pressed and ABCs with “B” for breasts
I’ll admit it. Things got a little bit crazy. Things got forgotten/thrown in a giant pile of shit to do. As it turns out, one of my favourite bloggers was in the pile of stuff I had to do. Metaphorically speaking, of course, not literally.
Amidst the unadulterated bedlam that was being Freshly Pressed, Chrystalyn at The Future of Hope bestowed upon me the Awesome Blog Content Award, in recognition of, well, my awesomeness? My ability to stuff up an idiot-proof baking project? My sunny disposition and willingness to tolerate those stupider than I? Okay, it’s definitely not the last one: my threshold for dumbass is shoelace high. At any rate, because of the ludicrous number of comments, emails, texts and telephone calls that the pressing generated, I haven’t had any time to fulfil my duties as an ABC Award recipient.
Author’s note: in the above sentence, “I haven’t had any time” can be freely substituted with “I forgot”.
Basically, in order to ensure that I don’t come across as a complete asshole in accepting the award, I need to:
1. Thank the person that gave me the award, and then provide the very clichéd link to their blog.
2. Work my way through the
alfalfabet alphabeet alphabet, choosing a word that starts with each letter to describe me. That’s right: Lyndon in 26 words. How scary is that?
3. Throw the blogging love around by nominating my own awardees.
Chrystalyn is awesome and she knows it. I was going to give her a choice between flowers and chocolates to say thank you, but the latter mysteriously disappeared while I was writing this piece. On a totally unrelated note, Lindt Excellent 85% Cocoa chocolate is amazing. Where was I? Oh, yeah, Chrystalyn. As I publish this, The Future of Hope has 153 subscribers. I want that number to be at least 200 by the end of the weekend, because her writing is as funny as fuck. She’s incredibly creative, and has a cheeky, warped sense of humour. Check her work out for yourself, I guarantee that you won’t be disappointed.
Let’s look at the Lyndon alphabet of descriptive words.
Asshole or Arrogant (six of one, half a dozen of the other.)
Charming (when I want/need something.)
Eating (Chrystalyn’s chocolate.)
Glockenspiel (I know it’s an instrument, but I’ve always thought the name sounded dirty and amusing, even as a 9-year-old.)
Lazy (because I couldn’t be bothered coming up with an awesome word beginning with “L”.)
Quesadilla (I love Mexican food.)
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (take that, Mary Poppins.)
Xanax (if you read this blog for long enough, you’re going to need it.)
Yawning (it’s almost 1:45am.)
* Another author’s note: breasts needed to be included, because not only are they wonderful from a physiological perspective, they just make the world a better place in which to live.
Now, the blogs that I think deserve their very own ABC Awards:
Mid Life Ranting – His satirical approach is fantastic; he’s insightful and angry, and manages to incorporate intellectual rants into amusing pieces.
The Skinny Jeans and Starbucks Chronicles – I only discovered Karen’s blog a few days ago, but she’s a gifted writer who engages her audience with ease. This snippet is from her latest piece:
But long gone are those archaic days of 17 chicken and buffalo dowries and your mother-in-law picking out your wedding night trousseau. These days arranged marriages work differently. There’s Facebook stalking prior to the meet and city bylaws against hoarding chickens and buffaloes in your backyard. And if I thought I had very little true knowledge of arranged marriage in my parents’ generation, then I knew absolutely nothing about arranged marriages in this day and age.
Suburban Enlightenment – She blogs about asshats (I’m not going to try to explain this) and openly discusses her husband’s nuts with the blogging universe.
I Can’t High Five – Tennille describes herself as “…blunt, direct and bossy, with no tone, a lack of social prompts and an inability to high-five.” Further to all of these things, she’s also a writer whose work makes me laugh.
As well as thanking Chrystalyn again for the award, I wanted to express my sincere gratitude to all of you, the clowns who keep coming back for more and more of my confusing, narcissistic rants. Without you guys and girls, I’d just be talking to myself. And commenting on my own posts in the third person, all while subscribing to The Dissemination of Thought under a dodgy alias like Snatch Baggins.