The Dissemination of Thought

Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's intelligent…

The quest for Pressed and ABCs with “B” for breasts

with 23 comments

I’ll admit it. Things got a little bit crazy. Things got forgotten/thrown in a giant pile of shit to do. As it turns out, one of my favourite bloggers was in the pile of stuff I had to do. Metaphorically speaking, of course, not literally.

Freshly Pressed: it's not just about garnishes.

Amidst the unadulterated bedlam that was being Freshly Pressed, Chrystalyn at The Future of Hope bestowed upon me the Awesome Blog Content Award, in recognition of, well, my awesomeness? My ability to stuff up an idiot-proof baking project? My sunny disposition and willingness to tolerate those stupider than I? Okay, it’s definitely not the last one: my threshold for dumbass is shoelace high. At any rate, because of the ludicrous number of comments, emails, texts and telephone calls that the pressing generated, I haven’t had any time to fulfil my duties as an ABC Award recipient.

Author’s note: in the above sentence, “I haven’t had any time” can be freely substituted with “I forgot”.

Basically, in order to ensure that I don’t come across as a complete asshole in accepting the award, I need to:

1. Thank the person that gave me the award, and then provide the very clichéd link to their blog.
2. Work my way through the alfalfabet alphabeet alphabet, choosing a word that starts with each letter to describe me. That’s right: Lyndon in 26 words. How scary is that?
3. Throw the blogging love around by nominating my own awardees.

Virtual flowers: the shittiest thank you gift ever. Source: flowersdepotonline.com

Chrystalyn is awesome and she knows it. I was going to give her a choice between flowers and chocolates to say thank you, but the latter mysteriously disappeared while I was writing this piece. On a totally unrelated note, Lindt Excellent 85% Cocoa chocolate is amazing. Where was I? Oh, yeah, Chrystalyn. As I publish this, The Future of Hope has 153 subscribers. I want that number to be at least 200 by the end of the weekend, because her writing is as funny as fuck. She’s incredibly creative, and has a cheeky, warped sense of humour. Check her work out for yourself, I guarantee that you won’t be disappointed.

Let’s look at the Lyndon alphabet of descriptive words.

Asshole or Arrogant (six of one, half a dozen of the other.)
Breasts*
Charming (when I want/need something.)
Dystopian
Eating (Chrystalyn’s chocolate.)
Freakish
Glockenspiel (I know it’s an instrument, but I’ve always thought the name sounded dirty and amusing, even as a 9-year-old.)
Habitual
Intense
Jocund
Kitsch
Lazy (because I couldn’t be bothered coming up with an awesome word beginning with “L”.)
Maniacal
Narcissistic
Observer
Patronising
Quesadilla (I love Mexican food.)
Resourceful
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (take that, Mary Poppins.)
Taunted
Ubiquitous
Vodka-fuelled
Whingy
Xanax (if you read this blog for long enough, you’re going to need it.)
Yawning (it’s almost 1:45am.)
Zestless

* Another author’s note: breasts needed to be included, because not only are they wonderful from a physiological perspective, they just make the world a better place in which to live.

Now, the blogs that I think deserve their very own ABC Awards:

Mid Life Ranting – His satirical approach is fantastic; he’s insightful and angry, and manages to incorporate intellectual rants into amusing pieces.

The Skinny Jeans and Starbucks Chronicles – I only discovered Karen’s blog a few days ago, but she’s a gifted writer who engages her audience with ease. This snippet is from her latest piece:

But long gone are those archaic days of 17 chicken and buffalo dowries and your mother-in-law picking out your wedding night trousseau. These days arranged marriages work differently. There’s Facebook stalking prior to the meet and city bylaws against hoarding chickens and buffaloes in your backyard. And if I thought I had very little true knowledge of arranged marriage in my parents’ generation, then I knew absolutely nothing about arranged marriages in this day and age.

Suburban Enlightenment – She blogs about asshats (I’m not going to try to explain this) and openly discusses her husband’s nuts with the blogging universe.

I Can’t High Five – Tennille describes herself as “…blunt, direct and bossy, with no tone, a lack of social prompts and an inability to high-five.” Further to all of these things, she’s also a writer whose work makes me laugh.

As well as thanking Chrystalyn again for the award, I wanted to express my sincere gratitude to all of you, the clowns who keep coming back for more and more of my confusing, narcissistic rants. Without you guys and girls, I’d just be talking to myself. And commenting on my own posts in the third person, all while subscribing to The Dissemination of Thought under a dodgy alias like Snatch Baggins.

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Written by disseminatedthought

February 5, 2012 at 01:35

23 Responses

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  1. Technically I have over 200, if you count the handful I have on Facebook. What do I keep you around for again?

    thefutureofhope

    February 5, 2012 at 01:55

    • Picky, picky, picky.

      Technically, I didn’t count the freakin’ Facebook followers as subscribers. What’s a number you’d be happy with by the end of the weekend?

      disseminatedthought

      February 5, 2012 at 02:24

      • I don’t like numbers. I get them confused. I have dyslexia of numbers. I am happy with what I have. If a few more find their way to me and truly like what they read, cool! And my Facebook Followers must be better than yours. Even though they don’t leave comments, they have the highest number of reads per the WP stats. So, my 40 something FB peoples are more loyal than the “true subscribers!” Maybe you can make them prove me wrong? I’d like that.
        That’s weird for a girl to say huh…

        thefutureofhope

        February 5, 2012 at 02:49

      • “Maybe you can make them prove me wrong? I’d like that.”

        I refuse to argue with you because I’m scared: a woman doesn’t demand that a guy prove her wrong and then admit in the next breath that it would satisfy her, so I have to assume you’re not a woman, but instead, a crazy zombie who has infiltrated Chrystalyn’s WordPress account. Damn it, the Apocalypse is starting early.

        disseminatedthought

        February 5, 2012 at 18:15

  2. Congrats – most deserved.

    mrtinney

    February 5, 2012 at 02:30

  3. Am really loving your blog–so glad to have found it (ahh, the joys of freshly pressed.) But admittedly, breasts don’t do a whole lot for me. Now, a nice set of pecs and guns on the other hand…

    crubin

    February 5, 2012 at 03:14

    • How on earth am I going to make “a nice set of pecs and guns” start with the letter B? Besides, it’s all about me, so breasts get the vote.

      disseminatedthought

      February 5, 2012 at 21:20

  4. What the heck?! You got Freshly Pressed, too? I think every blog I follow has been pressed recently…except mine of course.

    Congrats though, well deserved! My favorite part is that the categorized your post under “Baking.”

    Curly Carly

    February 5, 2012 at 03:15

    • Thank you, it’s been an absolutely crazy couple of days. I had 7,331 views on the day that piece was Freshly Pressed, and about 11,500 all up since 2 February; I think my poor BlackBerry is about 4 email notifications away from melting down.

      I can’t believe they categorised it as “Baking”, either. A lot of culinary aficionados are going to be bitterly disappointed and majorly pissed off.

      disseminatedthought

      February 5, 2012 at 22:19

  5. you are right…these blogs are really nice too.. i like the skinny jeans n starbucks one… guess coz m an ex-coffee addict… m doin better now… thanks to the rising prices of a simple cup of coffee n my boss’s need of not paying well enuf….
    anyway thanku for introducing new blogs…

    littlemissobsessivesanatomy

    February 5, 2012 at 04:04

    • I’m an espresso addict and a filthy view stats junkie; checking my stats after being Freshly Pressed while skolling a ridiculous number of lattes is fuelling both of my addictions.

      disseminatedthought

      February 5, 2012 at 22:00

      • yeah checking status is an addiction…checkin phone for msgs is another filthy addiction..even when you knw your phone did not beep…
        your display pic reminds me of dunston…

        littlemissobsessivesanatomy

        February 5, 2012 at 23:07

  6. congrats dude!! keep it up I’m loving your blog 🙂

    thecommontarte

    February 5, 2012 at 05:06

    • That’s great to hear!

      Welcome to The Dissemination of Thought, I’m glad you’re enjoying what you are reading. In the lounge, today’s entertainment is provided by a patronising, maniacal asshole.

      disseminatedthought

      February 5, 2012 at 21:36

  7. Yay, I like you!

    Caroline!

    February 5, 2012 at 08:52

  8. I wanted to congratulate you in your overnight success. You are the most deserving. You are a brilliant writer with important things to say.

    LunaSunshine

    February 6, 2012 at 14:53

  9. Thank you for the add! Nice to meet you. Congrats on your recent pressed stardom 🙂

    TwetnySomethingWaitress

    February 8, 2012 at 10:48

    • Thanks. It has been an incredible few days, and the feedback I’ve received from everyone has been tremendous.

      Welcome to TDoT. Did you see who stole the glockenspiel?

      disseminatedthought

      February 8, 2012 at 13:17

  10. Congrats on the ABC award. Glockenspiel had never sounded dirty to me before. Now it does.

    Smaktakula

    February 10, 2012 at 04:14


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