The Dissemination of Thought

Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's intelligent…

Elmo and blow, dicks like bats and realebrity tats: 11 more terms to make you squirm

with 32 comments

We’ve looked at the strange shit people have searched for to eventually end up in my little piece of the blogosphere before. Twice, actually. But due to a somewhat melancholic nonchalance that has enveloped me, I find myself severely lacking the motivation or inclination to create something deep, insightful and controversial. I could come up with a dirty limerick about a man named Jock, but I’d rather attempt to get inside the heads of the individuals who have provided me with my latest batch of amusing – and stupefying – search terms. As they say, the third time’s a charm.

For those new readers to The Dissemination of Thought, the previous dalliances into weird and wonderful search phrases can be found below:

”Man-whores, smut and Jabba the Hutt”

”Cartoons without clothes and Sesame Street blow”

peter griffin likes cocaine nipples

Of course he does, who wouldn’t?

The Dissemination of Thought: it’s all about breast and blow references. Source: tbs.com

I’m considering renaming this blog The Dissemination of Dodgy Peter Griffin Search Terms, based purely on the overwhelming number of hits I get with obscure references to the testicle-chinned one. I’m not kidding. In the past few months, I’ve had “peter griffin peeing”, “peter griffin pretty eyes” and “peter griffin in [insert outfit of your choice: army outfit and Donald Duck costume seem to be popular]” as the standouts amongst a plethora of Family Guy-themed search terms.

You watch: “peter griffin jumper leads on nipples” will be a search term next month. Source: squidoo.com

what is the mayans the end of internet

The word on the street suggests that some bad shit is going to go down on 21 December this year, but this shouldn’t have any impact on your internet plan, unless of course, our new zombie overlords decide to limit your monthly allocation down to 3 GB.

Download speeds got a lot a better on 22 December. Source: forums.hak5.org

The internet will not cease to exist if the Mayans were right: zombies need Wikipedia and online porn just like the rest of us.

prehistoric animals during the time of the mayas

My guess would be that there were very, very few, but I’m assuming you need to expand that answer out to about 1,500 words. If you need definitive clarification, you should probably ask Kristen over at Intelligent Life – she’s fantastic at sharing serious stuff about science, history and the universe in a witty light.

If you’re still too fucking lazy to do your own research, just say that a Mayan temple was used as the visitor centre in Jurassic Park, and then make a vague reference to a Tyrannosaurus. Hell, say it was in Jurassic Park III: no one saw that anyway.

the cat in the hat sad

The Cat in the Hat wasn’t sad. How could it be with such an awesome headpiece? Depressed moggies don’t make for amusing book subjects; who wants to read about The Feline in the Fedora with the Fluoxetine?

Source: halloweencostumes.org

penis 40 cm fuck

I suddenly feel astonishingly inadequate.

You know you’re well –endowed when your dick has its own chair. Source: iansblogoflife.blogspot.com

is dissemination of thought funny?

Absolutely. Go forth and spread the word. Oh, and when you say funny, make sure people realise you mean funny “haha” and not funny “peculiar”.

tattoo pauly d jersey shore

Is there a chance this vexing search phrase came to be as a result of someone doing a research project on the ink and body art of people who have contributed to making 21st century society a dumber place to be?

In the event that some incredibly perturbed individual actually wants to adorn themselves with a permanent tribute to this realebrity*, I offer this advice: tattoos last forever. So does stupid.

* Author’s note: I coined the term “realebrity” as an alternative to referring to reality TV stars as celebrities.

realebrity /riˈælɛbrɪti/

noun

1. a person devoid of any discernible talent, ability or personality, who attempts to overcome this by appearing on a reality television program with a ridiculous tan.
2. Paul DelVecchio, or any other cast member of Jersey Shore.
3. Anyone with the surname Kardashian.

Am I the only one who’s disturbed? Source: thegloss.com

colour

Out of curiosity, I typed “colour” into Google and let it do its thing. It returned about 846,000,000 results. Yep, eight hundred and forty-six million. Using that incredibly vague search term, just how long did it take you to come across The Dissemination of Thought? Did you start your search in 1998?

nazi dinos

What the fuck? Velociraptors loyal to Hitler?

A pissed off reptile with a canon: the perfect gift for the sociopathic dictator who has it all. Source: kotaku.com.au

reality television fucked society

Yes. Yes it did. I couldn’t have said it more succinctly myself.

elmo smoker

When I first saw this search term, I was mystified. Surely Elmo isn’t a smoker. Not only is he inanimate, he’s comprised mainly of fur and felt, so voluntarily exposing himself to naked flames via a nicotine addiction doesn’t seem like an overly sagacious decision. That said, given that puppets don’t have lungs, his odds of succumbing to emphysema or lung cancer are pretty remote.

Based on the photographic evidence below, a Light Me Up Elmo toy may already be in the final stages of production.

“Elmo likes menthols!” Source: homelessmanspeaks.com

With the sheer number of ridiculous new phrases that appear each week for me to mull over, I’m confident that this will not be the last search term-themed post on The Dissemination of Thought. Besides, the eccentric folks searching for cartoon characters urinating, prodigious penises and chain-smoking Sesame Street puppets like it when we talk about them.

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32 Responses

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  1. Now, I am a little bummed that the only search terms feeding people my blog are Tonsilloliths, Tonsil Stones, and Geographic tongue… Might have to use the testicle-faced guy 😉

    thefutureofhope

    January 23, 2012 at 23:52

    • You should definitely try it: random Peter Griffin references seem to work. Also mention nipples and cocaine.

      disseminatedthought

      January 24, 2012 at 09:15

  2. Once upon a time I went to Google, typed in the word “is” and before I could finish typing in my intended search, Google’s predictive search gave me “is lady Gaga a man”.

    Adrienne schmadrienne

    January 24, 2012 at 01:06

  3. Frickin hilarious…. that search should find your blog. Sharing via Hootsuite and stumbleupon.

    mrtinney

    January 24, 2012 at 02:52

  4. Your search terms are even weirder than mine.

    liquorstorebear

    January 24, 2012 at 07:05

  5. I guess keeping my blog clean has its disadvantages. I get entertaining search terms, but I don’t think they even come close to yours.

    I love the caption on the nazi dino!

    Curly Carly

    January 24, 2012 at 13:09

    • I’ve read other pieces where people have discussed search terms, and most of mine pale in comparison to theirs; some of the phrases discussed in this piece on Pasta for One scare and baffle me. Someone found me overnight after searching for “jolly green giant can mushroom spell sex”. WTF?

      I was surprised that I found a picture of a dinosaur adorned with a swastika: someone apparently has far too much time on their hands.

      disseminatedthought

      January 24, 2012 at 13:32

  6. That Pauly guy is such a douche! AH!

    Heather Christena Schmidt

    January 24, 2012 at 22:48

    • Well said. For your frank and accurate comment, I’ll be sending you the first three seasons of Jersey Shore on Blu-ray.

      disseminatedthought

      January 25, 2012 at 08:55

  7. I get a ton of random weird ones, usually referencing VAGINA

    goddamnthatsfunny

    January 25, 2012 at 00:35

    • I don’t think vaginas are anywhere near as random and weird as searches for a Family Guy character’s nipples or anything even remotely related to Jersey Shore. Vaginas should be searched for. Yeah, I said it.

      Welcome to The Dissemination of Thought. I’m not sure how you found us, but googling “Peter Griffin vagina” will probably have the same result.

      disseminatedthought

      January 25, 2012 at 08:49

  8. You sound surprised that the Nazis used velociraptors. Their use on the Easter Front in 1940-41 is well-documented, as are the difficulties encountered by the cold-blooded creatures during their ill-fated foray into the Soviet Union.

    What most people don’t know however, is that the allies had a smaller and much less successful velociraptor project of their own, although it was discontinued in favor of the Shmoo.

    Smaktakula

    January 25, 2012 at 09:04

    • Decking the dinosaurs out in beanies and mittens may have solved the cold-blooded problem.

      Thank you for the impromptu history lesson, and welcome to TDoT. Can you do something about your Velociraptor? It’s eating the valet.

      disseminatedthought

      January 25, 2012 at 09:33

  9. Thank you for this.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    Posky

    January 26, 2012 at 01:26

    • You are welcome. Very welcome. Very, very welcome.

      Thank you for stopping by The Dissemination of Thought.

      disseminatedthought

      January 26, 2012 at 08:35

  10. the day i wrote “dogs dictate my dating life”

    ……..someone searched “what happens when you have sex with a dog”

    mostly people find me via “anal sex”

    😦

    jbrittain1988

    January 26, 2012 at 16:56

    • I sincerely hope that no one has researched the “dog sex” thing in order to create a website that informs others about what does actually happen.

      Thank you for commenting, and welcome to TDoT. Any dogs that enter must be genuine assistance animals or family pets, not potential bed buddies.

      disseminatedthought

      January 27, 2012 at 11:53

  11. also: “robert wears pretty panties”

    jbrittain1988

    January 26, 2012 at 17:01

  12. Hahaha! I love this post. Hey thanks for the comment on my blog. I’ll have to keep up with yours in the future. 🙂

    K How

    January 27, 2012 at 18:03

  13. I have to admit…you have FAR weirder search terms bringing people to your blog that I do. My top 5 most popular search terms are:

    1) “Mr T.” ~ maybe we have similar hair cuts and gold chains?
    2) “Big Mac” ~ how does this term bring you to my blog before it takes you to McDonald’s actual site?
    3) “Kim Ung-Yong Wiki” ~ is this a person or a condiment? How did this even happen?
    4) “Sebastien Vettel’s girlfriend 2011″ ~ I feel like this may be the one that causes the most disappointment.
    5)”000000000” ~ I’m sorry. I don’t speak binary.

    P.S. Pauly D is one of the worst people ever.
    P.P.S. Ever.

    PCC Advantage

    January 28, 2012 at 00:35

    • 1. Can you pity the fool?
      2. I have no idea, but I do think you should hit McDonald’s up for some sort of endorsement deal.
      3. I went to Google. An IQ of 210, give or take: that’s one smart condiment.
      4. Shame, shame, shame.
      5. Maybe they meant 010110010?

      disseminatedthought

      January 29, 2012 at 11:31

  14. I normally think posts about weird search terms are dumb and boring, but this was absolutely hilarious and well-done! Indeed, dissemination of thought is funny (as always).

    the waiting

    January 29, 2012 at 09:05

    • Thank you for the kind feedback; it’s always great to hear that people actually enjoy reading my rants.

      disseminatedthought

      January 29, 2012 at 10:19

  15. People search the weirdest things. Lucky for us, it brings them to our blogs.

    d_vaz

    February 3, 2012 at 08:00

    • Absolutely. I love the weird, perverted individuals who stumble onto my blog in search of “oompa-loompa miss piggy sex tape”; I often wish I could see their faces when they realise there’s no puppet sex here.

      Welcome to The Dissemination of Thought. Do me a favour: google “colour” and see how long it actually takes to find me.

      disseminatedthought

      February 3, 2012 at 15:39

  16. I LOVE this one! Crazy and just plain fun!

    The Hook

    February 5, 2012 at 23:51

    • Seeing what other people search for scares me, but it also makes me feel a little less debaucherous, which has to be a good thing.

      Welcome to the Hotel Dissemination, where you can search anytime you like, but you can never leave.

      disseminatedthought

      February 6, 2012 at 10:44


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