Elmo and blow, dicks like bats and realebrity tats: 11 more terms to make you squirm
We’ve looked at the strange shit people have searched for to eventually end up in my little piece of the blogosphere before. Twice, actually. But due to a somewhat melancholic nonchalance that has enveloped me, I find myself severely lacking the motivation or inclination to create something deep, insightful and controversial. I could come up with a dirty limerick about a man named Jock, but I’d rather attempt to get inside the heads of the individuals who have provided me with my latest batch of amusing – and stupefying – search terms. As they say, the third time’s a charm.
For those new readers to The Dissemination of Thought, the previous dalliances into weird and wonderful search phrases can be found below:
peter griffin likes cocaine nipples
Of course he does, who wouldn’t?
I’m considering renaming this blog The Dissemination of Dodgy Peter Griffin Search Terms, based purely on the overwhelming number of hits I get with obscure references to the testicle-chinned one. I’m not kidding. In the past few months, I’ve had “peter griffin peeing”, “peter griffin pretty eyes” and “peter griffin in [insert outfit of your choice: army outfit and Donald Duck costume seem to be popular]” as the standouts amongst a plethora of Family Guy-themed search terms.
what is the mayans the end of internet
The word on the street suggests that some bad shit is going to go down on 21 December this year, but this shouldn’t have any impact on your internet plan, unless of course, our new zombie overlords decide to limit your monthly allocation down to 3 GB.
The internet will not cease to exist if the Mayans were right: zombies need Wikipedia and online porn just like the rest of us.
prehistoric animals during the time of the mayas
My guess would be that there were very, very few, but I’m assuming you need to expand that answer out to about 1,500 words. If you need definitive clarification, you should probably ask Kristen over at Intelligent Life – she’s fantastic at sharing serious stuff about science, history and the universe in a witty light.
If you’re still too fucking lazy to do your own research, just say that a Mayan temple was used as the visitor centre in Jurassic Park, and then make a vague reference to a Tyrannosaurus. Hell, say it was in Jurassic Park III: no one saw that anyway.
the cat in the hat sad
The Cat in the Hat wasn’t sad. How could it be with such an awesome headpiece? Depressed moggies don’t make for amusing book subjects; who wants to read about The Feline in the Fedora with the Fluoxetine?
penis 40 cm fuck
I suddenly feel astonishingly inadequate.
is dissemination of thought funny?
Absolutely. Go forth and spread the word. Oh, and when you say funny, make sure people realise you mean funny “haha” and not funny “peculiar”.
tattoo pauly d jersey shore
Is there a chance this vexing search phrase came to be as a result of someone doing a research project on the ink and body art of people who have contributed to making 21st century society a dumber place to be?
In the event that some incredibly perturbed individual actually wants to adorn themselves with a permanent tribute to this realebrity*, I offer this advice: tattoos last forever. So does stupid.
* Author’s note: I coined the term “realebrity” as an alternative to referring to reality TV stars as celebrities.
1. a person devoid of any discernible talent, ability or personality, who attempts to overcome this by appearing on a reality television program with a ridiculous tan.
2. Paul DelVecchio, or any other cast member of Jersey Shore.
3. Anyone with the surname Kardashian.
Out of curiosity, I typed “colour” into Google and let it do its thing. It returned about 846,000,000 results. Yep, eight hundred and forty-six million. Using that incredibly vague search term, just how long did it take you to come across The Dissemination of Thought? Did you start your search in 1998?
What the fuck? Velociraptors loyal to Hitler?
reality television fucked society
Yes. Yes it did. I couldn’t have said it more succinctly myself.
When I first saw this search term, I was mystified. Surely Elmo isn’t a smoker. Not only is he inanimate, he’s comprised mainly of fur and felt, so voluntarily exposing himself to naked flames via a nicotine addiction doesn’t seem like an overly sagacious decision. That said, given that puppets don’t have lungs, his odds of succumbing to emphysema or lung cancer are pretty remote.
Based on the photographic evidence below, a Light Me Up Elmo toy may already be in the final stages of production.
With the sheer number of ridiculous new phrases that appear each week for me to mull over, I’m confident that this will not be the last search term-themed post on The Dissemination of Thought. Besides, the eccentric folks searching for cartoon characters urinating, prodigious penises and chain-smoking Sesame Street puppets like it when we talk about them.
Written by disseminatedthought
January 23, 2012 at 23:34
Posted in WTF?
Tagged with 2012, blog, blogging, cocaine, culture, dinosaurs, Dr Seuss, Elmo, Family Guy, Google, googling, humor, humour, Intelligent Life, Internet, Jersey Shore, Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park III, Mayan calendar, musings, Pauly D, Peter Griffin, random, realebrity, reality television, reality TV, satire, search engine, search terms, Sesame Street, social media, society, TDoT, The Cat in the Hat, The Dissemination of Thought, the Kardashians, WordPress, WTF?, zombies
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