The Dissemination of Thought

Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's intelligent…

Cartoons without clothes and Sesame Street blow

with 12 comments

Bloggers get lazy towards the end of the year. Select any tag topic at random right now, and you’ll be overwhelmed by a plethora of pieces that have “top”, “resolutions” or “2011” in the title. It seems that everyone in the blogosphere is either resolving their ass off or making a list of their Top [insert number between 1 and 6,914] [insert generic cliché – preferably movies, albums or kitten names] of 2011. A few bloggers are, thankfully, churning out fresh articles, but the majority seem content with reposting their favourite pieces of the year and then attempting to persuade their readers that it’s amazing new work. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but it’s not. Literally publishing just the links to your ten best posts and then signing off with a corny festive season greeting isn’t entertaining, it’s boring. If you don’t have anything fresh to write about, don’t write; your readers would prefer you didn’t post inane, generic drivel each day just so you can convince yourself that you write daily.

Author’s note: the latter is why 365 day challenges have the potential to annoy the fuck out of everyone.

So, now that my beer and vodka-fuelled vociferation has concluded, I’m going to share with you a few new search terms that people have found The Dissemination of Thought with. While I’m fully aware it’s something I’ve touched on before, today we’re examining new stuff that people have looked for in the past three weeks. It’s a rehashed idea with fresh search phrases, so it’s technically new material, which officially makes this an original post and me less of a whinging hypocrite.

peter griffin naked

Everyone has issues; some people’s problems are just a lot worse than yours. If you ever think you can’t sink any lower into despair, just remember: at least you didn’t google a guy with balls for a chin in naked poses.

Is this what you were looking for, freaky searcher? Source: magculture.com

kelloggs shirazco pop

This search phrase is a little disconcerting, considering I only coined the name “Shirazco Pops” a week or two prior to writing this piece. Are Kellogg’s trying to pass my breakfast cereal and red wine masterpiece off as its own creation? Is there a chance they are preparing to make me an offer I can’t refuse? If it turns out to be the former, this means war; if it’s the latter, The Dissemination of Thought will cease to exist four seconds after their cheque clears.

my boyfriend thinks engagement rings are a ripoff and doesnt want to buy one

Whoever typed this into a search engine needs to run the fuck away from their frugal boyfriend as quickly as possible. While there is a chance the boyfriend just has no desire to propose to someone who uses Google like a Magic 8 Ball, the smart bet is on him using the ring money to finance an engagement jet ski.

Source: realbollywood.com

sesame street the count snorts cocaine

Elmo does blow... Source: soggylog.com

What the fuck? Because there are so many things wrong with this, I’m not even sure where to start. Is there a Sesame Street spin-off that no one’s aware of called Blowin’ with Big Bird and Bert? Does Grover do a good deal on a kilo of coke? On a positive note, given that Count von Count is a puppet and has a felt nose, it’s unlikely that he would ever succumb to a perforated nasal septum.

There's snow, and then there's "snow". Source: muppet.wikia.com

Welcome to The Dissemination of Thought in 2012: I can’t wait to see what search terms the next twelve months bring.

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12 Responses

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  1. Tricky lil minx, I’m on to you and your games!!! Happiest of New Years to you!

    thefutureofhope

    January 1, 2012 at 22:13

    • And to you!

      I wish you would explain me and my games to me: I’ve got no idea what the hell’s going on most of the time.

      disseminatedthought

      January 1, 2012 at 22:16

  2. Shit. I ended my last post with “Happy New Year” (fuckwad that I am).
    There used to be a site called “Burt is evil” but I am not going to google it as I may just end up back here and you will nail me to the fire of the cross for it later.
    I have yet to do a post with search criteria, (I’ll eventually get to it) but some of my fave searches that were registered to my blog were: pasta masturbation, masturbation memoir, creepy guy and rainbow, long toenails, xxx hamster, porno santa, x hamster big tits, jan brady tits, robert redford anal sex, gang bang rape of pregnent lactaid woman.
    Damn there are some sick f’cks out there. Happy New Year! 😉

    Cakes McCain

    January 1, 2012 at 22:52

  3. LOL, I can’t stop laughing…Too funny! That’s the best end-of-year list I’ve read thus far.

    krismerino

    January 1, 2012 at 23:31

    • I’m not even sure why someone would search for images of Peter Griffin naked; I’d always assumed that south of the equator, he was on par with a Ken doll: what need do cartoon characters have for anatomically correct genitalia?

      disseminatedthought

      January 1, 2012 at 23:45

      • Ask the Japanese. They have a penchant for cartoon/manga porn. really weird stuff I tell you.

        Cakes McCain

        January 2, 2012 at 00:57

  4. How refreshing and original. I thought somewhere in there you would make a reference to bloggers writing about their cats or weight loss. Oh crap, I’ve written about both. Although, clearly, I’m way more clever and funny than THOSE people.
    Other fun google searches-
    Christopher Walken cooking show.
    Nathan Fillion pregnant
    Monica Lewinsky turns 50.
    Just thought I’d share.
    And I won’t wish you a Happy New Year.

    blondgirl008

    January 2, 2012 at 02:43

    • What about combining the two topics and writing a piece about weight loss through an exercise regime that includes juggling cats?

      I was just reading your latest piece; I don’t use call waiting, mainly because I’m not important enough to justify having the technological capacity to take more than one call at a time.

      I hope you have a fantastic 2012! I look forward to seeing you back here soon.

      disseminatedthought

      January 2, 2012 at 08:13

      • The call-waiting was a jab at my in-laws. They’ve had it for two years now. They ask us almost every week how they switch over the caller calling in. It’s as if they have amnesia. I don’t think they’ve ever used it.
        I can’t juggle scarves let alone cats. My cat has honey badger claws, so I think I would be writing a piece on cat scratch fever soon after that!
        Okay, since you aren’t opposed to wishing others a Happy New Year, I will return the sentiment. Happy writing in 2012!

        blondgirl008

        January 2, 2012 at 11:38


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