The Dissemination of Thought

Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's intelligent…

When did ludicrous sporting attire become socially acceptable?

with 19 comments

When did looking like Reebok marketing team’s wet dream become the status quo for recreational sport? At what point was simply throwing on a pair of sneakers and heading out for a run no longer deemed exercise? While I’m not sure that there is any discernible physiological advantage to having an iPod or GPS navigation on your run, it seems that unless you’ve left the house adorned in Adidas or looking like you have signed a lucrative endorsement deal with Nike, you just aren’t serious about your sport. 

Let’s have a look at four recreational sports where the outfits are now officially out there:

 1. Golf

 Go to any golf club and observe the attire of the serious members, and you’ll be forgiven for thinking that you’ve landed on Mars during Faux Pas Fashion Week.  You’ll be surrounded by loud shirts, paisley pants and striped vests, none of which will make guy chastising you for playing too slowly seem more cheerful. 

 I’m sorry, but does the knitted hat with the pompom really help your tee shot? 

Does that guy have a golfing manbag? Source: sodahead.com

2. Cycling

I wish I was blind. Source: worldofcrussle.com

I’ll never understand those cyclists who ride once or twice a week, yet seem compelled to own more equipment than most Tour de France competitors.  Sure, your bike is a carbon fibre masterpiece and looks like it was designed by NASA, but what the hell is up with your outfit?  How can someone who is happy to outlay hundreds of dollars for matching riding shoes and gloves not have a mirror with which to appraise themselves before leaving the house?  Nothing puts you off a latte quite like having to observe a pale, hairy stomach escaping the confines of a skin-tight jersey while its pudgy owner attacks a caramel macchiato and a muffin the size of grapefruit.

Even he wouldn’t wear some of the shit that recreational cyclists go out in. Source: businessreviewaustralia.com

 3. Running 

Whoever designed running accessories to accommodate iPods, mobile phones and portable navigation units has a lot to answer for.  If you don’t take your iPhone, Nano and six different types of monitoring equipment with you on your morning run, you aren’t a serious jogger.  Are your shoes worth less than $300 and not monogrammed with your initials?  Don’t bother turning up: you’ll just be ostracised by the other members of your running group.

If only this was the worst running ensemble I’d ever seen... Source: weddingbycolor.com

4. Tennis 

Source: losing-pounds.net

There’s a woman in the adjacent building who takes her tennis very, very seriously.  When she’s on the court, she could pass for the love child of Björn Borg and Maria Sharapova.  Everything in her playing ensemble – including the sweatbands that grace her head and wrists – is white, and she emits a grunt while serving that would terrify rutting stags.

My question to her is this: when you have only travelled thirty metres from your apartment for the match, is there really any need for a full bag of equipment that includes several racquets?

To my tennis-loving neighbour: when you’ve won Wimbledon, you can have the headband back. Source: au.sports.yahoo.com

When it comes to sporting outfits, the do’s and don’ts are unquestionably clear cut.  If you are an Olympian or on any sort of professional tour, do wear whatever you want.  If you’re 52, overweight and have spent $10,000 on a bike to try and recapture your youth, don’t subject the unsuspecting public to your sweaty, lycra-clad crisis.

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Written by disseminatedthought

December 13, 2011 at 15:57

19 Responses

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  1. Or when you see someone in a jersey uniform complete with expensive basketball shoes, knee guards, arm sleeves, wrist and head bands only to see that they suck at basketball.

    Audi Palomar

    December 13, 2011 at 16:57

    • Yeah, that’s just wrong. Knee guards and $400 shoes do not a basketball player make.

      Welcome to The Dissemination of Thought – I hope you enjoy looking around.

      disseminatedthought

      December 13, 2011 at 17:11

  2. I’m digging those biking and running outfits. I may try the running one once it warms up. That’ll also give me ample time to get my tummy tucked. I wouldn’t wanna miss the opportunity for a good photo shoot.

    totsymae1011

    December 13, 2011 at 22:25

    • There’s a old guy near me that goes jogging each morning in bright red budgie smugglers. Picture Bigfoot, if he was pushing 70 and sponsored by Speedo.

      Welcome to TDoT, and thank you for your input. You can check your $5,000 bicycle with the valet. He’s laughing with you, not at you.

      disseminatedthought

      December 13, 2011 at 22:41

  3. So true. I live in the middle of multiple bike paths so I always see tons of cyclists with their cone helmets and spandex. My favorite are the people at my gym that are decked head to toe in Under Armour, as if they have been sponsored by UA to test out all the equipment on the weight floor, but hardly use any weight yet still grunt every time they press out a rep.

    rentamomma

    December 14, 2011 at 00:06

    • Don’t get me started on people who grunt during exercise…

      Welcome to The Dissemination of Thought – I hope you enjoy looking around,

      disseminatedthought

      December 15, 2011 at 22:15

  4. Ugh, this is my life. I play golf every weekend. I am stuck with a solid rotation of 3 shirts and a 2 pairs of shorts because for some reason manufacturers think all women want something in pink, bedazzled with rhinestones. I also like to cycle and have a small amount of jerseys because I don’t want to wear something with a Tweety Bird that says “Biker chick” in bright yellow. Or a bright green jersey with a bottle of Tobasco Sauce emblazoned on it. I just can’t make sense of that.

    Adrienne schmadrienne

    December 14, 2011 at 00:57

    • Pink bedazzled golf shorts? That I’ve gotta see.

      I know it’s a question that will remain unanswered, but how the hell did they make a connection between Tabasco sauce and cycling? The mind boggles.

      disseminatedthought

      December 14, 2011 at 06:14

  5. Forget these nobodies in ridiculous attires! Professional triathletes where this crap AND sport the most heinous personalities I’ve ever encountered! Ugh.

    Tracy

    December 14, 2011 at 02:48

    • I don’t know any professional triathletes, probably because of the fact that in order for them to compete in triathlons professionally, they can’t share my fondness for pancakes, strawberry thickshakes and Scotch.

      Thank you for your input, and welcome to TDoT.

      disseminatedthought

      December 14, 2011 at 06:07

  6. Heh heh… my dad is an amateur cycler and has to don the whole getup before going out on a ride. Fortunately, he rides five or six days a week and is a good bit more fit than the guy in the photo. Still, he’s got two daughters and so we give him loads of shit whenever he gets dressed up for a ride.

    Maria Ada

    December 14, 2011 at 06:28

    • When will people in lycra cease to be a constant source of amusement to the world?

      Welcome to The Dissemination of Thought. Please don’t be too harsh on your father – he can’t help thinking that he looks cool in his unitard.

      disseminatedthought

      December 14, 2011 at 07:17

  7. Hahah you are the funniest man alive. Seriously. no, funny. Laughing.

    sillyjillyz

    December 14, 2011 at 10:02

    • There are probably 100,000 comedians who would argue otherwise, but your comments are greatly appreciated. Just to clarify, you mean funny “haha” not funny “peculiar”, don’t you?

      disseminatedthought

      December 14, 2011 at 10:27

  8. This brings Le Stade Francais to mind and their fucking hideous/hilarious rugby jersey. It’s bright pink leopard print. With flowers on it…… I have gay male flatmates that wouldn’t be caught at Mardi Gras in that shirt.

    B.B.Darlington

    December 15, 2011 at 01:26

  9. I’m a runner, have been for several years, and other than shoes, shorts ( to avoid chafing ) and a fuel belt for long runs, i don’t own any fancy stuff. In fact, yesterday I went running in pj pants. Heck even my shoes are usually 60-70 bucks. I personally don’t get it.

    Theresa

    December 15, 2011 at 22:08

    • Running in pajama pants: awesome.

      Thanks for your contribution to the discussion, and welcome to The Dissemination of Thought. I’m sorry, but club rules preclude entry to anyone not wearing monogrammed sneakers.

      disseminatedthought

      December 15, 2011 at 22:22

  10. my oh my! this is very EYE OPENING!! these outfits are absolutely ridiculous…im glad i stick to watching basketball…baggy shorts and jerseys haha

    omgitsjaneth

    January 12, 2012 at 13:52

    • You might be onto something there.

      Welcome to TDoT. I hope the photos in this post didn’t traumatise you too much. If they did, we hold a group counselling session every Tuesday night at 7:30pm.

      disseminatedthought

      January 12, 2012 at 14:23


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