4 trends in Facebook friends
Facebook seems to be the flavour of the month for bloggers, so I’ve decided to jump on the bandwagon and look at four types of Facebook friends that we all have. Yes, I know the Facebook-themed post has been done to death, but it’s Sunday morning and I’m having reheated curry and a beer for breakfast – this is as original as it’s going to get today.
1. The Liker
The most instantly recognisable of all the Facebook friends, this individual will like every status update, picture or link that you post. You could casually mention that you have a taste for murdering 19th century London prostitutes, or you could upload a picture of you banging their significant other. It doesn’t matter. The will like it. Don’t believe me? Go to Facebook now and update your status with “This is a status update”. They liked it, didn’t they? I told you so.
2. The “Dear John”-er
This is the Facebook friend that addresses their status updates to inanimate objects. Food. Shoes. Days of the week. You know the type I’m talking about:
“Dear sushi, you were awesome. Let’s do it again soon.”
“Dear new Prada handbag, you complete me. You were such a bargain.”
“Dear weekend, I can’t wait to see you!”
Really “Dear-John”-er, why don’t you and Friday get a freakin’ room?
3. The Check In-er
The Check In-er is identified by their predilection to letting the world know where they are at every moment of the day or night. This friend will check in everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. Sure, I’d be interested if you had arrived on the moon or were jamming with Keith Richards at a strip club, but I don’t care that you are waiting for the doctor to give you the test results. Or at the pharmacy because of what the doctor told you.
4. The Page Liker
Not to be confused with The Liker, this friend spends all day liking random pages such as “I hate you toothpaste that I can’t get out of the tube”, “Picking up chicks from Woolworths, cause you like them fresh” and “I heart free stuff”. A casual inspection of their profile will reveal that these three pages join the other 528 they have already liked.
As a general rule, if The Page Liker hasn’t liked at least 9 new pages in any 24-hour period, you should assume that they are dead or being held against their will without internet access. Either way, you should notify the appropriate authorities.
To any of my Facebook friends reading this and wondering whether I’m referring to you: if you have to ask, I probably am. Thank you for providing the material for this post.
Author’s note/shameless plug: if you haven’t done so already, check out The Dissemination of Thought Facebook page. It’s like here, except Mark Zuckerberg will profit from it.
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