The Dissemination of Thought

Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's intelligent…

4 trends in Facebook friends

with 10 comments

Facebook seems to be the flavour of the month for bloggers, so I’ve decided to jump on the bandwagon and look at four types of Facebook friends that we all have. Yes, I know the Facebook-themed post has been done to death, but it’s Sunday morning and I’m having reheated curry and a beer for breakfast – this is as original as it’s going to get today.

I really want to like this. Source: senseslost.com

1. The Liker

The most instantly recognisable of all the Facebook friends, this individual will like every status update, picture or link that you post. You could casually mention that you have a taste for murdering 19th century London prostitutes, or you could upload a picture of you banging their significant other. It doesn’t matter. The will like it. Don’t believe me? Go to Facebook now and update your status with “This is a status update”. They liked it, didn’t they? I told you so.

2. The “Dear John”-er

This is the Facebook friend that addresses their status updates to inanimate objects. Food. Shoes. Days of the week. You know the type I’m talking about:

“Dear sushi, you were awesome. Let’s do it again soon.”
“Dear new Prada handbag, you complete me. You were such a bargain.”
“Dear weekend, I can’t wait to see you!”

Really “Dear-John”-er, why don’t you and Friday get a freakin’ room?

3. The Check In-er

The Check In-er is identified by their predilection to letting the world know where they are at every moment of the day or night. This friend will check in everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. Sure, I’d be interested if you had arrived on the moon or were jamming with Keith Richards at a strip club, but I don’t care that you are waiting for the doctor to give you the test results. Or at the pharmacy because of what the doctor told you.

4. The Page Liker

Not to be confused with The Liker, this friend spends all day liking random pages such as “I hate you toothpaste that I can’t get out of the tube”, “Picking up chicks from Woolworths, cause you like them fresh” and “I heart free stuff”. A casual inspection of their profile will reveal that these three pages join the other 528 they have already liked.

As a general rule, if The Page Liker hasn’t liked at least 9 new pages in any 24-hour period, you should assume that they are dead or being held against their will without internet access. Either way, you should notify the appropriate authorities.

To any of my Facebook friends reading this and wondering whether I’m referring to you: if you have to ask, I probably am. Thank you for providing the material for this post.

Author’s note/shameless plug: if you haven’t done so already, check out The Dissemination of Thought Facebook page. It’s like here, except Mark Zuckerberg will profit from it.

If only this was an option. Source: themetapicture.com

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Written by disseminatedthought

December 11, 2011 at 09:46

10 Responses

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  1. I noticed a lot of Facebook theme blog posts lately too. This is very relatable though lol, I’m definitely the liker. 😛

    James Kaliway

    December 11, 2011 at 10:32

    • Welcome to The Dissemination of Thought – I hope you “like” what you read. Yep, my jokes really are that cheesy.

      disseminatedthought

      December 11, 2011 at 10:36

  2. I’m the one that makes random annoying comments… can you tell 😉

    thefutureofhope

    December 11, 2011 at 17:23

    • You’ve got a long way to go until your comments are deemed random or annoying. Keep trying…

      After publishing this I identified another 3 or 4 types of Facebook friends, so there may be another Facebook-themed TDoT post to come.

      disseminatedthought

      December 11, 2011 at 17:38

  3. How about – the person who thinks what they do at work is interesting, i.e. “It’s midnight and I’m still in the office – again! Oh no!” and “It was worth checking in early for my 5:00 am flight as I’ve got bumped to first class!”, etc, etc. I’ve got one like this who I keep thinking about unfriending but it’s compulsively annoying reading somehow.

    I'd Rather Be In Iceland

    December 11, 2011 at 22:15

    • Do you ever feel like suggesting to them they would get more work done if they weren’t on Facebook bitching about how they’re still at the office?

      disseminatedthought

      December 12, 2011 at 06:40

  4. I’m the friend who consistently says he hates Facebook but never stops posting, mostly about how much I hate Facebook.

    bmj2k

    December 20, 2011 at 11:57

    • Yeah, but that’s okay because of the twisted irony of it.

      Welcome to The Dissemination of Thought. You say that you’ll never be back, but you will be. And then you’ll tell me you hate it.

      disseminatedthought

      December 20, 2011 at 12:11

  5. what no ‘…I’d rather slap my face with a wet fish than join facebook….’ option!

    Cool Your Jets IV

    February 6, 2012 at 19:20


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