The Dissemination of Thought

Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's intelligent…

3 things that should never be dressed up

with 14 comments

Everyone has a limit. A line that, if crossed, causes one to leap into action to try and right perceived wrongs. It turns out that my limit is faux reindeer antlers on cars. And trucks. And taxis. What the hell is going on? Why do people feel it’s necessary to adorn inanimate objects and innocent children with shit that they would never consider subjecting themselves to?

Let’s look at my top three:

1. Motor vehicles

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Honda Source: behurop.net78.net

I’ll try to make this as concise as possible. Decorating a car for Red Nose Day is a good thing. Garnishing your Prius with plastic antlers and a bulbous proboscis so it resembles an arctic mammal isn’t. Sure, it’s festive, but it’s also fucking ridiculous.

Author’s note: I know you’re going to click on the above link. While you’re there, please make a donation to SIDS research. To prove that I’m happy to put my money where my mouth – or at least keyboard – is, if this post gets 10 reader comments, The Dissemination of Thought will donate $25 to this fantastic cause.

2. Pets

I’ve already expressed my bewilderment at pet owners who dress up their pooches in tutus and tiny tuxedos. To those individuals, I offer this advice: the people peering over top of their chai lattes and mugachinos don’t think that Chi-Chi’s three-piece puppy suit is to die for; they’re actually weighing up the probability that you keep severed human heads in the freezer.

I’m sorry, but this is just disturbing. Source: cu2nite.com.au

3. Children

Just because it’s “adorable” doesn’t mean you should run with it. Source: socyberty.com

It’s bad enough that your little darlings have to live with you calling them Summer Raine, A’meelya or Tangerine. Don’t rub salt into a gaping wound by parading them around in stupid outfits for all to see. If you do dress them up and then produce the photos on their 21st birthday for laughs, they will suffocate you with a pillow while you sleep. Or firmly lodge a tangerine in your throat.

He’s not tired. He’s plotting your death. Source: blogs.smarter.com

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Written by disseminatedthought

December 7, 2011 at 09:10

14 Responses

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  1. 🙂 Great post! I will follow your blog for sure!

    Oh God, My Wife Is German

    December 7, 2011 at 09:37

  2. I must respectfully disagree about dressing up pets – some of them just look too freaking precious in little hot dog or hamburger costumes! But, I totally agree with not “dressing up” your car! I couldn’t believe how many dumbasses had attached antlers to their car over this past week. So obnoxious.

    adamsdaughter

    December 7, 2011 at 10:50

    • Cats in clown outfits freak me out.

      You’re right about the volume of vehicles that have been given the antler touch – I counted seven yesterday in the time it took me to have a latte and toast.

      Thanks for stopping by The Dissemination of Thought – I hope you enjoy looking around.

      disseminatedthought

      December 7, 2011 at 11:11

      • I put a bow tie on and little cuff collars around the ankles of my Winston dog (the one in my blog header pic). Is that so terrible?

        Complete agreement on everything else. There’s something inherently wrong about reindeer antlers on the grille of a Dodge 2500.

        ellenesce

        December 10, 2011 at 14:05

      • I think a bow tie and cuffs are perfectly acceptable. A complete miniature scuba diving ensemble – including a tank strapped to the pooch – isn’t.

        I haven’t seen any on a Hummer yet. Who would have thought that Hummer owners had a limit when it came to the ridiculous?

        disseminatedthought

        December 10, 2011 at 14:45

  3. I saw a “reindeer car” yesterday! So. Wrong.

    B.B.Darlington

    December 7, 2011 at 13:23

    • They’re everywhere! If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that they were multiplying.

      Welcome to the chaos that is my imagination.

      disseminatedthought

      December 7, 2011 at 13:40

  4. I can’t tell you how much I agree with you on this subject. I can’t, for the life of me, understand why people would want to dress up their cars for Christmas. You’re not foolin’ anyone, Toyota Yaris…you’re still a douche. It’s just that, now, you will be noticed from 2 miles away as opposed to just 0.5 miles.

    Also, I’m pretty sure that dressing up your animals is considered torture. Not just cruelty. Torture.

    Hilarious post! 🙂

    PCC Advantage

    December 8, 2011 at 00:17

    • You’re right: I’m yet to see a Ferrari or Bentley sporting antlers and a giant red nose, so perhaps people use it as an inane attempt to make their vehicle cool. They need to keep in mind that you can’t polish a turd. If you try, you’re just going to end up with dirty hands and a turd that stands out like a sore thumb.

      Thanks for your comment and the positive feedback. Please have a look around, but don’t steal the donuts.

      disseminatedthought

      December 8, 2011 at 11:09

  5. I actually have the problem of my children WANTING to dress up and often without consent…Its hard to explain to people if we are at any one place for more than 15 minutes, one of the Irish twins will suddenly look a lot like Blankman. And, parental control is easier said than done. They have the change out down to the professional level of Superman in a telephone booth. Aye yi yi!

    thefutureofhope

    December 10, 2011 at 19:24

    • What’s the best ensemble either of them has come up with so far?

      disseminatedthought

      December 10, 2011 at 19:56

      • Out and about: a very impressive kimono/ snake charmer look made out of their shirts and jackets. Thank god they left their pants alone. That is normally the battle of a lifetime. Pants shmants, right?!

        At home: Elmo bobble head slippers over black socks over Christmas present/tree thermal pants with black basketball shorts. Star Wars long sleeve shirt that is two sizes too big that is tucked in. Spiderman gloves. Red and black glittering cape. 3-D sidewalk chalk glasses with a hot wheels beanie cap as a cherry on top.

        thefutureofhope

        December 10, 2011 at 20:07

      • I promised a magistrate that I’d leave my pants alone in public, so my hands are pretty well tied…

        disseminatedthought

        December 10, 2011 at 20:18


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