Small things and small minds: 3 things that amuse me
It’s Friday night, and as I sit here watching ice cubes melt into the remaining traces of my first Scotch, I find myself in a reflective yet jocose mood. So, instead of vociferating about something that’s pissed me off with society today, I’ve decided to make a list of 3 things that amuse me. I know that 10 seems to be the magical number as far as lists go, but in addition to being reflective, I’m also feeling very lackadaisical. So you get 3. I’d love to hear what amuses you guys too, so get your thinking caps on.
Without further ado, in no particular order, are 3 things that regale me:
1. Some of the one liners written into the scripts for Two and a Half Men. I know that Charlie Sheen and the show itself may not exactly be the flavour of the month, but some of the shit that the scriptwriters push out – no pun intended – cracks me up, including:
a) “You have two black eyes, and you’re perched on a scrotum cosy.”
b) ”Look at every New Year’s resolution I’ve ever made. I’ve got the best of intentions, but by January third or fourth, there I am broke, hung over, and coughing up stripper glitter.”
c) “Michelle, on the list of things I expect to kill me, mercury poisoning ranks well below liver failure, struck by lightning and heart attack during sex. Guess which one I’m rooting for?”
d) “You know what the problem is? The women, the drinking…you look at me and think it’s easy. What you don’t see is the years of dedication that have made me the boozing ass wrangler I am today.”
Actually, that’s probably not a bad idea for a list in its own right: “Favourite quotes from sitcoms I shouldn’t watch, but do”. Keep an eye on this space…
2. Finding advertising and business signage that isn’t meant to be humorous, but for whatever reason, are very much so. May I present Exhibit A below.
3. Watching someone try very hard to impress a potential romantic liaison, usually under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol. In my personal experience, it’s usually a drunken guy trying to chat up a girl who is about two weight divisions above his class. More often than not, he is egged on by his equally drunk, undoubtedly bored mates. At times, it’s pitifully corny and horrid, but this social interaction is also as funny as fuck to observe. It’s akin to a traffic accident: I know I shouldn’t be watching, but I can’t take my eyes off the carnage.
Now, as I stare at the bottom of an empty Scotch glass, I turn the floor over to you, and your lists of amusement.