The Dissemination of Thought

Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's intelligent…

Ridic-tionary dilemmas: why laughter and vagina glitter prove society is screwed

with 5 comments

I’m sorry, but I’m not lolz-ing.

The Oxford University Press announced the latest inclusions to Oxford Dictionaries Online this week, some of which defy logic.

I used to enjoy perusing the quarterly updates of “current English” but now, the three-monthly read leaves me with a numbness in my special place and a strong desire to stick my head into an oven.

How the hell does formally acknowledging nonsensical words – or in the case of “mwahahaha”, a stupidity-inducing sound – as part of our lexicon make us a more evolved society?

If anything, recognising words like “douche” and “photobomb” demonstrates humanity is now officially catering to the lowest common denominator.

It’s almost as if we’ve waved the white flag and submitted to an army of faceless, iPod-toting, monosyllabic overlords who communicate with grunts , fist bumps and group hugs.

In a nutshell, it’s fucking ridic.

There was a time when people would consult a dictionary to become smarter. Source: flcenterlitarts.wordpress.com

If an alien race was to attack the earth tomorrow – which would be a pretty douchey thing to do – the first laser-wielding ET wannabes to hear us communicate could be forgiven for assuming the zombies had already eaten our brains.

When I discussed the list of latest inclusions with a friend, they played the “our language is dynamic and ever-evolving” card.

Until they reached the word on the list that pays homage to genitals that resemble rhinestone-emblazoned disco jackets.

Ladies and gentlemen, could you please stand and put your hands together for “vajazzle”.

Mankind has not only conquered space, it has also made room in Oxford Dictionaries Online for a verb that means to “adorn the pubic area (of a woman) with crystals, glitter, or other decoration”.

I feel like I’ve woken up after sleeping for 20 years to find out Kim Kardashian is the president of the world.

Despite my friend being more than 1000 kilometres away and on the end of a scratchy mobile phone connection, I could pinpoint the exact moment when their eyes locked onto the word that describes genital crystals.

If you ever want to pull out a lay-down misere on somebody’s argument about how the current evolution of our language is a good thing, show them an Oxford University Press reference to pussy glitter.

While the vodka-loving boozehound in me approves of “dirty martini” getting recognition, the inclusion of “vote” – as in a specific reference to reality television – saddens me and reinforces my belief that humanity has pushed boldly past the point of being astronomically fucked.

It can’t be long now until Skynet becomes self-aware and the living dead commence their attack.

The moment you see “ROFLMAO” in a dictionary is the very instant you should descend into your Judgement Day bunker and wait for the language-destroying hoi polloi to succumb to our zombie masters.

For all those Twitter users who have a yearning to become one of my tweeps, clicking the button below will unleash the 140-character lunacy.

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5 Responses

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  1. “Genital crystals” makes me think of those salt crystals we made as kids, where you hang a piece of string in a jar of salt water. Only ruder.

    newswithnipples

    August 26, 2012 at 17:53

  2. Great post. Do you happen to know if they periodically remove words from the dictionary? If they do, then we’re really in trouble. Just think…the only words remaining in 50 years will be words commonly used on instant messanger or text. I’ll be all OMG! and STFU!

    I would love to go back in time and see the look on someone face after telling them what vajazzle means and that it’s an official word.

    Curly Carly

    August 26, 2012 at 20:39

  3. With words like that in dictionaries, schools will start banning the things…

    I wonder if banana hammock is in it?

    Carrie Rubin

    August 26, 2012 at 23:19

  4. Reblogged this on melanonce and commented:
    I very rarely reblog, but this one was totally worth the pingback. Be aware – there is some language fouler than what I tend to use on this external link. So be forewarned; I take no credit for that.

    melanonce

    August 27, 2012 at 14:57

  5. vagazzle has been in common usage in the UK for some time, to be honest it is no different to many other new words that turn up all of the time because we humans like inventing new ways of describing things.
    That said I think that yo should remember that a dictionary’s purpose is to describe a language rather than to put limits upon it.

    Iain Hall

    August 28, 2012 at 16:04


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